If the insight suddenly came, and the veil fell from the eyes, it is necessary not to commit rash acts, but to carefully think over a plan of action to break this vicious connection. Do not even hope, you will not be able to do it easily and simply. Over time, people become attached to each other, the brain of people in love with each other turns off, and they do not want to understand that they are hurting those close to them.
How to break a painful bond
The most important thing is to understand that leaving is yours. conscious choice... It will allow you to start in the future new lifeperhaps happier - without pain, secrets and gossip. They, whatever one may say, are an integral part of such a relationship. If you decide to part with your lover who has a legal spouse, do not change your decision - it is correct. You should not live in the hope that a man will leave the family, these expectations are in vain. Most likely, you are just another victim. If now he is cheating on his wife, then there is a high degree of probability that he will walk from you, such is his nature. Of course, you should leave only if you know for sure what you want - a strong family and warm, trusting relationships. If everything suits you and even your conscience does not torment you, this is another matter. If creating a strong family is a priority, exclude married men from your life.
Once you have had the courage to have an affair with a man whose wife is waiting for at home every evening, then for sure you can tell him about your decision in person. It is better, of course, to do it without tears, scandals, tantrums and pretensions, but quietly, calmly, right in the eyes. Explain the reasons and wish you luck. If you have had memorable moments with this man, you can thank him for them. You have had a valuable experience, albeit a bitter one.
Of course, afterward, when you talk and break up, you can afford to cry if you want. However, only one evening, in the future you should pull yourself together. When you wake up in the morning, set yourself on better life... Think how many beautiful unmarried men are around. Which, perhaps, the mountains have been moved for you. You are worthy of someone who will appreciate and respect you. In no case should you invite your girlfriends and pour wine over your grief. First, it is unhealthy. Secondly, after a glass or two, you can start writing hysterical text messages to your ex-lover, asking him to forgive you and return. This absolutely cannot be done.
After breaking up, for the first few weeks, try to spend time with friends, go to the movies, bowling, go out into nature, and take every evening. You may need to change your phone number so that there is no temptation to call your former lover, or, conversely, so that he does not bother you from old memory. You can even go on a short trip abroad or to visit relatives in another city. So you will be distracted and morally relaxed from a troubled relationship.
Don't think that your ex is the best in the world. Try to have an affair with a free person, do not distance yourself from men, date, go on dates. Perhaps soon you will fall in love again, but with a worthy person with whom you can create a strong relationship, based not on secret short meetings, but on a full-fledged joint pastime and enjoying each other's company.
The material was prepared on the basis of open sources.
"I am reading your blog and decided to write my story.
All the same, there is nothing to do in the evenings, films have been revised, books have been re-read, girlfriends with husbands, children and epidemics, lover and family went on vacation.
Maybe my story will stop some of the girls from a rash act, although I understand that each of his bumps is stuffing his rake.
Or maybe I just want to speak out not in the eyes of a friend, but in the silent expanses of the network, when you read all this and think that this is not your life, but someone unfamiliar, stranger who found himself in a similar situation and found a way out of it a stupid vicious circle or an idiotic love triangle, about which absolutely everything is known to everyone, but it is not clear what to do to each of those who find themselves in it.
For 7 years I have been the lover of a married man.
7 years I had no one else.
For 7 years, I deeply hoped that someday he would divorce his wife and propose to me.
For 7 years I have been living in some stupid dreams and illusions.
I have been single for 7 years.
And only recently I realized that it was time for us to leave.
Our relationship has dragged on, and this is the road to nowhere.
In general, a long-term relationship with married man is almost always a path to nowhere. No matter how illusions we console ourselves, for him, the family is still more important than any lover and he, if he does not leave in the first year of the relationship, during the period of passion, will never leave the family, and if he does, which is extremely rare, it does not matter will not stop communicating, and these are nerves, stress, tears.
The man, whose mistress I have been for 7 years, left with his family to rest. Not with me, but with my wife and children. They are tired, I am not tired. Turkey and Crimea are enough for me. It is bad for my wife in Turkey, but dirty in Crimea. Its oceanic climate suits, and if the Mediterranean Sea, then at least the Spanish coast.
Why did I decide to leave? By the way, I am not at all interested in how a man, whose mistress I have been for 7 years, will react to this.
What have I gotten during our relationship in the material sense? I will make a reservation, we do not live in Moscow or even in the Moscow region. So, one provincial town of regional significance. He bought me an apartment. Not big, but bought it. I also bought furniture. Two rings and one fur coat, I also saw the sea twice a year for a week. Everything.
And all this I have worked for a long time. Yes, our relationship and the emotions that I gave him are work. I decided so, if translated in payment for the material benefits received.
Time is running out, but nothing changes in my life. Yes, it's my own fault.
It is my fault that all the holidays are sheer loneliness, weekends are loneliness. Meetings - when it suits him. It is impossible to give birth to a child.
I am a supporting woman, an alternate airfield.
This will not happen anymore.
I have an excellent education, a great job, seniority and experience, savings, pride and pride.
I decided to change my life overnight. In a week I quit my job, the application has already been signed. I rent an apartment, found tenants, changed the locks. I am leaving for Moscow, I already have work there, and for the first time I also have someone to live.
How to part with a married lover? Who knows! I think instantly! I think we should part right away. Just close the door to the past. Close the lock and throw the keys into the waterfall. To be reliable and forever.
Only by thoroughly closing one door will life immediately or after a while open another.
Please tell me if any of you or your friends have had long love relationship with a married man, who then grew into a happy family union?
Over time, a woman who is in a relationship with a married man comes to the conclusion that they should leave, but how to do it correctly? First of all, you need to realize that only she can put an end to the relationship, and only her future happiness depends on her. But already with a free person.
Who needs a relationship like this
First of all, to the man himself. There are many reasons for this - from a banal increase in self-esteem to really deep feelings... When passion in the relationship is muted, the woman realizes that the injured party in the relationship with a loving man she herself appears: and she has no right to him, and all that she has from him is just the illusion of a full-fledged life of two people together. It is then that the understanding comes that parting with a married man will be the best solution.
Why is it so hard to break up with a married man
Psychologists have an unequivocal answer to this question - it's all about mental dependence. The married man you love is a skilled manipulator who plays the strings of a weak soul. It gives a woman love (from her we fly on wings), sex (a woman has no other partner), relieves loneliness (after all, it is not so easy for everyone to find a man for marriage). Quite naturally, it is difficult for a woman to leave all this "wealth", especially if the man himself does not want to part.
Learn to say "No!" weaknesses
The most important thing is to rid yourself of dependence on the man himself. Psychologists advise starting with the simplest: if any situations arise that the man was dealing with, do not turn to him for help. Believe me, you yourself will be surprised at how simple everything turns out to be, and that for this a lover is not at all necessary.
Life must be in full swing
All the advice of a psychologist on how to part with a married man comes down to the fact that a woman needs to fill her life with interesting events, then thoughts in her head will stop spinning only around the man. And the soul will open up to meet new acquaintances.
Look for flaws in it
Since parting with your beloved man is difficult - stop loving him. Look for flaws in him, cultivate a negative attitude towards them.
Free yourself from contact with him
A man, all the more loving, will let go just like that, they will try to bring everything back, they will confess their love, swear by all the saints that "everything will be fine with us." Save yourself from such outpourings, otherwise, the hour is uneven, succumb to persuasion and thereby steal from yourself the opportunity to meet a new man. Therefore, change your phone number. Quit your job if you work together. We decided to leave - don’t think how to do it beautifully. Drop everything and run, run from him with all your might for your happiness!
No woman will voluntarily agree to have a relationship with a man who is married. Most women know that such a relationship, apart from pain, resentment and disappointment, will lead nowhere. They are initially unpromising. Very rarely, a man leaves his family and marries his mistress. What to do if you still have such a relationship. You finally understand that your loved one is not going to part with his wife, and he is satisfied with life with both of you. You do not want to remain on the sidelines anymore, which means it's time to part with him, and this must be done without prejudice to your mental health.
How to calmly part with a married man
To begin with, so as not to regret anything and not to suffer, make sure that there is no future with your married lover. You can calmly, as if from the outside, write on a piece of paper, or just remember all the facts of your relationship that speak about it. Most likely, there are a lot of them. Now that you have admitted to yourself that you have felt for a long time, tell him when you meet, or even better by phone, that you are breaking up with him. No hysterics, tears and reproaches, if you feel that you cannot do it calmly, it is better to drink a sedative, for example, valerian tincture. You can even rehearse in front of the mirror all the words you want to say to him. After you inform him of your decision, he should disappear from your life, as if he had never been in it. You don't need to remember your relationship, get rid of common photos, music that reminds you of him, erase his phone number, forget about his pages on social networks and do not allow them to visit your pages. In the first days after parting, you can even say out loud to yourself that there is no place for him in your life now, and even more so in the future. If your friends were aware of this relationship, be sure to tell them that you decided to break up. The support of loved ones will not hurt you. If you suddenly want to dial his phone number, it is better to call your girlfriend. You tell her about your thoughts, feelings, what bothers you, and before you have time to notice, the desire to call him disappears. You should not refuse an invitation to go somewhere for a walk to a club, to friends or to the street. A change of scenery will only help you quickly forget about a failed romance. If he offers you to meet for the last time, answer him with a resolute refusal and add his number to the black list of the phone.
How to quickly stop loving a married man
If you approach this problem correctly, you can very quickly fall out of love with someone you have liked for so long. In the case of true love, this method will not help, but when a person did not spare your feelings, showed disrespect to you, neglected your sincere feelings, it will be very effective. So that your decision to leave is final and not subject to revision, get angry with a married lover. You don't even need to look for a reason to do this. In this triangle, you occupied the last place, your aspirations and hopes were trampled by his unwillingness to immediately part with his wife, since you really were so dear to him. If you have not yet said about your decision to part with him, then another refusal to come to you on a date due to the fact that something happened in the family with your wife, children, wife's parents, etc., will remind you of this. How many times have you had to celebrate holidays and celebrate significant dates without it. It is difficult even to count how many times you have been pushed into the background, and even now, you are alone again, while he is with his family, while you are deprived of the opportunity to create your own family. So there are a lot of reasons for anger.
It is also worth remembering that if you do become his legal wife, who guarantees that over time, having lived together, he will not find new love for himself. You, like no one else, know that he can deceive his lawful spouse, hide the truth from loved ones, betray and hurt. A real man, if he falls in love while being married, will leave the family, showing respect for his wife, even the unloved one. Men who act differently can betray despite your love. You will have to live with a person who has already betrayed once, so it may not be worth the risk, and before it's too late, protect yourself from pain in the future, freeing your heart for a real man.
If you told him that you are breaking up, but you just can't stop loving, try to find an opportunity to be as far away from him as possible. There is nothing better than time and distance to get rid of love. The necessary distance, which will help you get rid of the painful feeling of love for a married man, will help to establish business trips, search for a rented apartment in another area or city, travel or vacation. But even if now you cannot go as far as you would like, meet the free man you like. Or maybe you even have someone around you who has long wanted to start a relationship with you. Do not forget to find some new interests and hobbies for yourself. An interesting and exciting life without a married lover will bring you new joys and introduce you to men who are worthy of you. All these new, pleasant impressions and emotions will oust love for your unfaithful lover from your heart. And as soon as you free your heart from this painful love, love will surely appear in your life, which will bring you happiness and joy. Your efforts and iron will will help you find true female happiness. It will be easier for you to part with a married man if you change the environment around you.
If you cannot cope with the feeling of love and it is very difficult for you to get over the breakup, find an opportunity to see a psychologist. A specialist will help you understand why you liked a man who is married, what he liked about you. What are the reasons for the emergence of such a difficult relationship. Understanding the cause of the problem and the difficulties associated with it will help you get through the process of parting with a married man much easier and will show you the way to your future happiness.
How to forget a married man
It so happens that the married man himself decides to break off this relationship because of remorse that torments both of you. As much as a woman is ready for this, she considers the reason for their breakup to be a sense of duty, which forces a man to part with her. But, despite all the arguments of reason and reason that it will be better for various reasons, this fatal love can torment a woman for a long time, not giving her the opportunity to build a happy relationship with another man. And in order to cope with feelings of love and loss, to regain desire and interest in other men, a woman needs to show all the strength of her intellect and will.
First, you should immediately understand that the position of a mistress is humiliating, no matter how it is perceived by others now. You must forever remember for yourself that you are a beautiful, self-confident and independent woman who is worthy of love and family. That is why he drew attention to you. This is exactly what tells you that you are worthy to meet a man who will call you his wife. Still, if you have a relationship with a married man, and it lasted for some time, you should think about the fact that you need to raise your self-esteem. Somewhere deep down, you think that you are unworthy of a normal relationship and are forced to pick up crumbs from someone else's table. Updating your wardrobe, a new hairstyle and some serious hobby in which you can show all your talents and skills will help raise your self-esteem.
A relationship with a married man can delight you only in the very first days, when you believe that in the future you will become the one and only for him. But you should not waste time on him if he is in no hurry to part with his wife. If a person really loves, he will not want to hurt you, and a married man who continues to live with his wife and swears to you in love does this, so part with a married man without regret. Better open your heart to love, which will bring you happiness, because every woman deserves mutual love and the right to call a man only hers.
Being the lover of a married man is not an easy fate for any single woman. Because despite regular meetings and short-term rushes of happiness, loneliness does not go anywhere. Over time, the realization comes that a loved one will never decide to break up with his wife and will not marry you. Months and years pass, but there was no real, strong family with a loving husband and a bunch of kids. How to break up with a married man and give yourself a chance to find someone who will make you happy?
7 reasons to break up with a married man
If you are reading this article, it means that the thought has ripened in your head to free yourself from the shackles and part with a married man. And if, in spite of your intuition that this relationship has no future, deep down you hope the opposite is true, then we present to your attention as many as 7 completely rational reasons why it is better for you to leave.
- According to statistics, no more than 5% of married men divorce their wives and go to their mistresses. But what is most terrible, according to the same statistics, more than half of those who left after a short time return to their old families. There their wives and beloved children are waiting for them, there is an established life and a woman who long ago learned to endure his shortcomings and bad habits... Men do not really like changes, and they do not really want to start building relationships from scratch where they can just have a good time.
- Agree that your meetings are somewhat reminiscent of an endless candy-bouquet period (at least for him)? Dating with you is a kind of holiday, an opportunity to take a break from family problems and everyday life. You, in turn, all this time do not stop trying to conquer him, and for these purposes create the most favorable atmosphere for your loved one - if only he does not want to leave you. Now imagine: you are husband and wife. Does it not seem strange to him that, having entered into your legal rights, you, just like his ex-wife, will begin to demand from him the performance of not very pleasant duties.
What to do: family life is not only a holiday, but also a series of daily worries and troubles. The period of romantic love with a mistress ends at the moment when she acquires the status of a legal wife. And surely your lover guesses that you will immediately turn from an unpleasant, understanding lover into a strict, demanding woman. And what is the point for him to change "awl for soap"?
- No matter how much you are passionate about each other, but deep down you understand that your lover is deceiving both you and his family. Despite all the assurances of eternal love, every evening he goes to his wife, children, where with honest eyes he lies something about work, about late meetings. His wife may guess about her husband's infidelity and it is hard to worry about this, or she may not notice anything and indulge in the happy conviction that she has the strongest family in the world. Surely for yourself personally you would not want such "happiness" - to be deceived by your beloved husband.
And he, in fact, is deceiving you. Because it gives a false hope for personal happiness, giving you, like handouts, the time stolen from your legal wife. From which, despite numerous promises, for some reason is not going to leave.
- After rough sex with you, he goes home. And what do you think will do there? Of course, he will go to bed with his lawful wife. And if you believe his words that he has not slept with "this frigid fool" for a long time, that he loves only you and does not want anyone else, then you are just a naive child. Of course, he will convince you that sex with his wife is a long time ago for him, that you, and only you, are his only sexual partner, but there will be no truth in these words. Moreover, any man is pleased with the very thought that 2 women want him at once, and that he can calmly sleep with one or the other. The main thing is not to confuse the names in bed, the rest is a matter of technology.
- Every normal man puts a lot of effort and effort into the arrangement of his home, in the establishment of life. A few years after the wedding, he and his wife know each other as flaky. She long ago learned to tolerate his bad habits, knows what he likes for breakfast and what medicine to give him for a cold. Living with his wife, he is slowly acquiring property: an apartment, a car, a country house.
And even the soft downy slippers in his hallway are dear to him, as part of the home comfort, to the creation of which he put his own hands. And, believe me, not every man is able to give up all this, starting to build his life from scratch. Yes, he loves you, appreciates and adores you, but he will prefer to live where everything has already been arranged and adjusted many years ago.
- You will be surprised to find out that many men spend time with their mistresses just because it helps them maintain their own marriage. Coming home after meeting you, he is especially affectionate with his wife; guilt does not allow him to once again scandal or reproach his wife for minor shortcomings. As a result, the wife blooms and gives him love and gratitude for tenderness and understanding, and the marriage grows stronger day by day.
But everyone forgot about you and your feelings in this situation: what is it like to be a free psychoanalyst and a miracle tool for strengthening strangers family relations? Especially if you love this man and want the opposite: that he left his wife and stay with you forever?
- Perhaps the main reason why it is worth parting with a married man is the inability to meet a normal guy to create a real family. As long as your heart is busy, you are missing out on a lot of opportunities to get to know that one, the only one that will not leave you every evening for another woman. In the meantime, you meekly concede your lover to your legitimate rival - his wife.
Strictly make sure that your beloved is not left with your hair and the smell of perfume, you yearn alone all the holidays and run to the store for gifts for his children - after all, you never got your own. If you do not want to remain lonely for the rest of your life, then it is enough to be a comfortable toy for your lover - take life into your own hands and start looking for a worthy partner!
And if, after all these reasons, thoughts like “It's better like this than to be left without a man at all”, “I'm with him only for the sake of sex, it's necessary for my health,” come to your desperate head, then immediately throw them away. You deserve much more than a temporary shelter for a not-so-decent man.
How to break up with a married man
What could be easier? She waved her hand, said "adieu" and that's it! This is entirely possible if you are dating a married man for just a couple of weeks. But if your connection lasts so long that it is firmly entrenched in your heart and you cannot imagine existence without it, then say "goodbye" oh, how difficult it is! You are frightened by the very thought that you will not have to wait for his calls, that he will not come to you after work and you will be left completely alone. However, realizing that you feel bad without him, but it’s hard with him, because thoughts about his wife, children, the impossibility of a joint future are constantly overwhelmed, you should pull yourself together and put an end to the relationship. And we will tell you how to part with a married man and not break your heart.
Basically, you have only two ways to say goodbye to your lover. One of them is fast, but quite painful for both of you. The second is slow, but able to ease your suffering. Let's talk about both.
Method one. Quick
The quickest way to break up with a married man is to be direct about your intentions. When people are in love euphoria, then most often the voices of their minds are silent, they are absorbed only in emotions and passion. And in this case, a woman meeting a married man is also absorbed in suffering from the understanding that she will never be with her loved one. And if you are finally tired of being content with a supporting role, then it's time to end your relationship. Although, to be honest, your breakup statement will only be the initial stage of a breakup.
Do not cry or complain, saying goodbye to your lover, otherwise you will fall for the bait that hundreds and thousands of women have already visited before you. Having heard your complaints and claims, the man will immediately begin to swear to you that he will correct himself, that everything will change for the better and that everything will be fine with you. And our loving female hearts are far from always able to cope with emotions, because we really want to believe and prolong the relationship with a dear person! Only the relationship will not last, but the agony, because sooner or later you will still have to part.
It is very difficult to say to your beloved man the terrible word “we are parting”, but, unfortunately, the hardest is ahead. Even if he agrees with you and promises to leave you alone, it is possible that he will still look for an excuse to meet with you. And if you continue to see each other, then the scenario of future events is very predictable: for some time you will struggle to pretend that everything is over between you, and then you will not stand it and throw yourself into each other's arms. Romantic, of course, only your problem will not disappear anywhere: you will be just as lonely and most of the time unhappy. Therefore, make every effort to avoid meeting this person - at least until you are confident in your abilities. Block his number on your phone, go to visit a friend, put him in the "ignore" in all social networks. Yes, it hurts, but there is no other way.
Give yourself time to cry, and then remove any items that remind you of your former lover from the house. Ruthlessly throw away or donate his gifts, send his forgotten scarves, socks, shaving accessories to the trash. Make a rearrangement in the house, replace the bedding with a new one - in short, try to get rid of any reminder of this person. Do you think this is cruel? Much more inhuman is the fact that by making you his mistress, this man has deprived you of the chance for a normal family life. And that means - down with him from your life and immediately!
Tell your loved ones that they were aware of your situation, that you broke up with a married man. Firstly, these people will definitely support you both mentally and physically. It is especially good to cry and listen to advice from a woman who has already experienced a similar experience - she will certainly raise your emotional level and help with practical advice. Secondly, by telling others about this separation, you will burn bridges for yourself and resist the temptation to meet with this person again. And the longer you don't see him, the easier it will become for you.
In a very short time, your pain will subside. In order to speed up the process of "recovery", develop vigorous activity: go to the movies, visit, communicate with new people. Set yourself new goals - like learning to drive or building your own website from scratch. Any actions that can distract your brain from thinking about this man, and your soul from constant worries, will bring you not only relief, but also real benefits. Material, spiritual - it doesn't matter, the main thing is that your self-esteem will rise and the level of knowledge and skills in some new area for you will increase.
The only caveat: do not rush into a new love relationship, as in a pool with your head. In order to start building new relationships, it will take time that you should devote only to yourself. You should not run away from one man to another, it is better to make a path to your own soul. Think, understand yourself and calm down. And as soon as you feel that you no longer have anything to do with your ex-lover - feel free to go free swimming in search of the man of your dreams!
Method two. Slow
Do you know how many people quit smoking? Someone just throws away a pack of cigarettes, promising themselves once and for all to leave a bad habit. Some of them manage to keep their promise, although the process of weaning is rather difficult, while others, after a couple of weeks, can not stand it and again take up a cigarette. And there is a category of people who quit smoking gradually, reducing the number of cigarettes day by day. Something similar can be offered to women who want to end a relationship with a married man as painlessly as possible for themselves. Afraid you won't be able to break the connection instantly? Then part with your lover gradually.
The parallel with smoking is not given by chance: here and there, a person has the strongest emotional and physical attachment, which is difficult to break. Only unlike smoking, a woman meeting a married man also experiences colossal mental pain, from which there is no escape. Therefore, if you are determined to break the vicious circle into which you yourself have driven, start slowly moving away from the object of your passion.
Every time meeting with your lover, ask yourself the question: "What do I get from this relationship and why do I need all this?" We, women, are quite suggestible creatures, and if every time we meet, we talk to ourselves about the meaninglessness of your relationship, notice the shortcomings and bad character traits of a loved one, then he will soon cease to be. Remember the movie "Charming and Attractive"? There, the heroine inspired herself that she was the most beautiful and amazing woman, and this helped her to believe in herself. You can quietly whisper something like "I do not love Vasya, he is a deceiver and deprives me of happiness." You may laugh, but it really works. If you tell yourself this often enough, then each subsequent meeting with your lover will begin to bring less joy. This means that leaving him will be much easier for you than at the beginning of the relationship.
Alternatively, you can encourage your lover to think about breaking up with you. Change your behavior, turning from a loving, to an all-willing woman into a kind of bitch. Demand from him expensive gifts, going to restaurants, pester him with jealousy, screams and scandals. If you are from a "quiet haven" where it is so pleasant to spend time free from your family, turn into a source of constant nervous tension, then your passion itself will not withstand too long communication with you and will begin to move away. And in this case, it will become even easier to put an end to your relationship. It's up to you to decide whether to let him get away from you, or leave him first. And in fact, and in another case, the goal will be achieved.
The slow way is good not only because it causes much less pain than a quick and decisive breakup. If you instill in yourself the idea that meeting a married man is a dead end, then you will avoid similar problems in the future. And this means that you from the category of "eternal mistresses" can easily move to the ranks of "lawful wives." And this is what you dream about, right?
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