I still remember those crazy two weeks with him, with my still loved person. But now I just stayed alone with my feelings.
We got acquainted with him on vacation. From the first day I didn't go wrong, and I sat like a beech at the table alone. Yes, I first did not notice it. And then he passed by his friend, I saw, apparently, as I sit alone, and regretted (first I thought so). I looked at such a plaintive glance and made such a gesture, such as smile, but I really didn't care about him first, I thought, the fool of some kind of face cords, and a friend is mocking.
On the second day I noticed how he began to look at me and wink (Lord, I thought, "I still didn't have enough workers to start it). By evening, he approached my mother and began to ask her so that she would allow him to go to the disco with me, well, my mother, of course, for. Well, we went: I, he, my sister and her worker on a disco. At the disco, he whispered on my ear, which fell in love, what I am beautiful - noodles hung up, in general.
I did not pay attention to it. I didn't care, let him and some unusual, the eyes are indescribable beautiful, there is some kind of riddle. Well, it turned out that after we went for the handle on the beach, well, my sister naturally did not let us out of sight, I asked her about it. Well, everything started that I just fell in love with the ears. And his smile drove me crazy. I just flourished in front of my sister. She never saw me.
He surprised me every day. Such surprises did: I asked the cleaners the numbers keys and did swans from a towel and dodged the bed with roses, it was so nice, no one was doing this !!! And such surprises are almost every day. I, of course I understood that all this fairy tale will soon end, and we will have to part, because we live far away from each other. It so seemed that we knew each other a hundred years and would never part.
In general, the day of my departure home. I was very worried, but there was no tears. I did not want to show my weakness in front of him. He went to accomplish me ... And I was so hurt: he smiled and I did not see a drop of disorder. As if he was so dreamed of getting rid of me, as if I was tired of it, when we sat on the bus, I firmly hugged him and felt a shiver on his body, but a smile attended, he did not say a word, just showed me to be Plate ...
I arrived home and even did not even worried, began to live again with this my life without him, and here his call in a week, my tears rolled out, so he called every week twice and said: "I love, waiting for you, we See you "... these calls continued for almost a year, but they ended three months ago - no news from him, call him, he throws off. What should I do? How to forget this person and remove it from your heart?! I do not know ... He just forgot me, but I feel very hard ...
Question to a psychologist:
Hello, my boyfriend 24 I am 19. Three months ago, he went to another country to work. We always had a tense relationship, because I love to control everything, and he likes to lie, loves to drink. Once there was a situation that he removed SMS, when communicating with other girls knowing that I could read it and then I tried to part with me, but I asked for this not to do. I saw that it came to SMS type I love the baby and all that. He swore greatly, but when he wrote one of the girlfriends, I didn't express everything to her and in the end he did not part with me. But now the story is. I hacked his account and found out that he got acquainted on the dating sites, the lines of himself, but he had two questionnaires that he was looking for a girl for Flirt, sex, sports, friendship, but I didn't find SMS there. He added to the chosen girls older than me and the questionnaire it was written that she was looking for a girl for sex several times a day from 21-30. We have also problems in an intimate plan, but he does not want to talk about it. And he just said about sites that it was interesting. The first time he registered when he had left, and the last recently, before arriving to me. He says that he loves only me and it does not want to part, but it will be discouraged and will not keep me if I want. He says that I am inadequate and he has the right to do what he wants. Well, I noticed that he often manipulates me when he was to blame, but makes me guilty. I'm trying to ignore, but I can not forget it, weching constantly and upset. Even now he does everything to me on evil, such a feeling as if he hates me. Almost all the time he was indifferent to bed with me, maybe the problem is that I have the first. But I always asked what's the problem? And he said everything is fine. Maybe the reason he does not want that he infected me infection and I accused him often. But we were treated. He says that I am too serious about everything. I thought about marriage, he said that he had his time. But then said if you want - come on. I was delighted, but then he saw again. Once I said that I was ready to go to him, go for him that everyone told about it. He began to offend me to shout. And then it pulled out what he joked. He said that seriously, and then he said that this was a joke. I'm offended. He is never jealous of me. He says that I have no my life. What I do not do anything. If he needs help, he writes immediately to me, and if I, he does not always help, says that I am an adult, should solve everything. Our friends offend me, and he does not tell them anything, believes that this is a joke. He also must me money, because of this, I also get it out. But I do not understand why to be with me and look for others. I always do everything for him and at the same time, if I go where something or something, he considers my money. Although he says I consider his money. He believes that you can not go anywhere. And when he began to ignore him a little in response to his ignoring, he was nervous, wrote that if I do something, he would make worse. And at the same time he says that he does not hold me. And only if I say it. I discarded everything because of our relationship and now I don't know who I am and what I do help please.
The question is answered by the psychologist Vasko Oksana Felixna.
Ale, good afternoon.
On your question: "What to do with a guy? It seems to me that he does not appreciate me "I will ask another question:" Do you appreciate yourself? " Judging by what you write, no. Why do you hold on to the person you do not value? What is it for?
Your young man is right somewhere, saying "I have no my life. What I do not do anything. " Every woman gets exactly young manwhom she deserves (more precisely she deserved by means of attitude to itself). Your young man is a reflection of you, Ale (only a man always doubles or triples this attitude). You care all the same, it's all the same for you.
What to do to change it? We must learn to love yourself.
How to do this, you can read in a large number of sources that are currently available online on the Internet or in the library, or go to a consultation to a psychologist. I believe that your family dad or mom belongs to you as dismissively as your current young man does.
Do you really love him still? - asked Andrei joking.
No! "Not joking, thoughtfully, as if looking at the past, Olga said. - I love him is not still, but there is something that I love in it, which I seem to remain true and not change, as other ...
Who else? Tell me, poisonous snake, vulnerable, Ugoul: I, or what? Make mistakes. And if you want to know the truth, so I taught you to love him and almost brought to good. Without me, you would pass by him, without noticing. I gave you to understand that it has a mind of no less than others, only buried, he is crushed by all rubbish and fell asleep in idleness. Want, I will tell you, why is he dear to you, why do you still love him?
She nodded as a sign of his head.
For the fact that it is more expensive than any mind: honest, faithful heart! This is his natural gold, he has no passive to carry him through life. He fell from the jokes, cooled, fell asleep, finally killed, disappointed, losing the power of living, but did not lose honesty and loyalty. Not a single fake note made his heart, the dirt did not stick to him. None of his elegant lie will not seduce, and nothing coped to the fake path, let him be worried about him the whole ocean of rubbish, evil, let the whole world pokes poison and goes the opposite - never bugs will not bow the idol lies, it will always be purely, lightly, Honest ... it's a crystal, transparent soul, there are few such people, they are rare, these are pearls in the crowd! His hearts can not bribe anything, everywhere and everywhere you can rely on. This is what you stay right and why the concern for him will never be heavy to me. I knew many people with high qualities, but I never met the heart cleaner, lighter and easier, I loved many, but no one is as strong and hot, like Oblomov. Upon learning times, it is impossible to believe it. So it? Guess?
Olga was silent, freeing his eyes to work. Andrei wondered.
Not all here? What else? Ah! .. - waking up, cheerfully added. - completely forgot "pigeon tenderness" ...
Olga laughed, retired his sewing, ran up to Andrey, wrapped his neck with his hands, looked at his eyes with rachish eyes a few minutes, then thought, putting his head on her husband's shoulder. In her memoirs, the meek, thoughtful face of Oblomov, his gentle glance, humility, then his pathetic smile, who, when separated, answered her reproach ... And she became so painful, so sorry for him ...
You won't leave him, you will not throw it? - She said, not taking away from her husband's neck.
Never! Did anyone open some unexpectedly between us, the wall will rise ...
She kissed her husband.
In St. Petersburg, will you take me to him?
He was silent hersally.
Yes? Yes? - she insistently demanded a response.
Listen, Olga, "he said, trying to free her neck from the ring of her hands, - before ...
No, say: Yes, promise, I will not leave!
Perhaps - he answered, - but not only in the first, and the second time: I know that you will be with you if he ...
Do not say, do not say! .. - she interrupted. - Yes, you take me: we will do everything together. One you will not be able, you won't want!
Let it, but you will be upset and maybe for a long time, "he said, not quite pleased that Olga forced him to consent.
Remember, I concluded, sitting down in my place, - that you will retreat only when "the abyss will open or the wall between him and you". I will not forget these words.
The world and silence rest over the Vyborg side, over her weak streets, wooden sidewalks, over the transes, above the overgrown nettle ditches, where, under the fence, some goat, with a torn rope on the neck, diligently plump the grass or sleeping stupidly, yes at noon wept Schegolian, high heels in the sidewalk of the charter, the kinic curtain in the window will stir and, because of Jerana, the official looks like, or suddenly over the fence, in the garden, instantly pops up and the girl's fresh face hides the minute, after him, the other face will jump out And it will also disappear, then it will be the first one again and will be replaced by the second, squealing and laughter swinging on the swings of girls.
All quietly in the Wheat House. Enjoy the courtyard and you will be covered by living idyll: chickens and roosters will drown and run to hide in the corners, the dog will start rideing the chains, pouring into the laware, Akulina will stop milking a cow, and the janitor will stop hacking firewood, and both curiously look at the visitor.
Who do you? - he asks and, having heard the name of Ilya Ilyich or the hostess at home, silently pointed the porch and get up to chop firewood again, and the visitor for clean, the footpoint will go to the porch, on the steps of which is the simple, clean rug, drove for the copper, brightly cleaned handle The bell tape, and the door will assume Ansya, children, sometimes the hostess or Zakhar - Zakhar after all.
Everything in the house of wheat breathed such an abundance and completeness of the economy, which did not happen before, when Agafia Matveyevna lived in one house with a brother.
Kitchen, Chulans, Buffet - Everything was installed in supply with dishes, large and small, round and oval dishes, saucers, cups, piles of plates, potted pots, copper and clay.
In the cabinets were laid out of their own, long ago redeemed and never laid silver and silver Oblomov.
A whole ranges of huge, puzzled and minimature teapots and several rows of porcelain cups, simple, with painting, with gilding, with devises, with flaming hearts, with the Chinese. Large glass jars with coffee, cinnamon, vanilla, crystal teas, cage with butter, with vinegar.
Then the whole shelves were cluttered with packs, flasks, boxes with domestic drugs, with herbs, rims, pockets, alcohols, camphor, with powders, with smokers, there was a soap, drugs for cleaner lace, expanding stains and so on, and so on What you can find in any house of any province, in any home hostess.
When Agafia Matveyevna suddenly assign the cabinet's door, filled with all these accessories, herself will not stand against the bouquet of all the narcotic smells and at first, for a minute we turn off the face aside.
In the pantry to the ceiling were hammered, so as not to spoil the mouse, cheeses, sugar heads, spent fish, bags with dried mushrooms purchased from Chukhukhonian nuts.
On the floor there were oil pads, large covered cruffy with sour cream, baskets with eggs - and what was not! It is necessary for the pen of another Homer, to calculate with the fullness and more details all that was settled in all corners, on all the shelves of this little ark of domestic life.
The kitchen was the true palladium of the activities of the Great Mistress and its worthy assistant, Anice. Everything was in the house and all at hand, in its place, in all the order and cleanliness, it would be possible to say if it did not remain one corner in a whole house, where never penetrated the beam of light, nor the strengthem, nor the eye of the hostess, Neither a promnial, absomesting hand of Ansi. This is an angle or a nest of Zakhar.
Its room was without a window, and the eternal darkness contributed to the Dark Nora's Human Housing Device. If Zakhar caught sometimes the hostess with any plans of improvements and cleansings, he firmly declared that it was not a female deal to disassemble, where and how the brushes, Vaks and boots should lie, that there is no business before, why does his dress lies in A pile on the floor, and the bed in the corner behind the stove, in the dust, that he wears a dress and sleeps on this bed, and not she. As for a broom, boards, two bricks, the bottom of the barrels and two are full, which he holds in his room, so it can not do without them, and why he did not explain, then that dust and spiders do not interfere with him and , In short, that he does not bust the nose to them into the kitchen, hence it does not want to touch it.
Anice, which he once caught there, he hung around such contempt, shook so seriously elbow in the chest that she was afraid to look at him. When the case was transferred to the highest instance, for the adequacy of Ilya Ilyich, Barin went to inspect and dispose of one's head to Zakhara and looking at the door to Zakhara and looked at everything that was there, he only spat and said not a word.
What took? - said Zakhar Agafier Matveyevna and Anice, who came with Ilya Ilyich, hoping that his participation would lead to any change. Then he grinned in his own way, in his face, so the eyebrows and bundlebards went to the sides.
In the other rooms everywhere was light, pure and fresh. Old, polished curtains disappeared, and the windows and door of the living room and the cabinet were autumned by blue and green drapets and ribbed curtains with red festons - all the work of the hands of Agafa Matveyevna.
Blesley pillows like snow, and the mountain rose slightly to the ceiling, silk blankets, quilted.
Entire weeks of the hostess was cluttered with several stretched and attached one to another lonely tables, on which these blankets and a bathrobe Ilya Ilyich were spread.
Agafia Matveyevna his own crumble himself, put a wool and defended them, falling for his work with his strong breasts, poured into her eyes, even his mouth, when it was necessary to bite the thread, and worked with love, with tireless adjacent, modestly awarding himself the thought that a robe and blankets Will climb, warm, undead and humble magnificent Ilya Ilyich.
He is whole days, lying on his sofa, admired how naked elbows were moving back and forth, following the needle and thread. He more than once dreamed under the hinter of the damned and crackle of the reckless thread, as it happened in the crushing.
Complete work, get tired! He gave her.
God works loves! - she answered, without diving eyes and hands from work.
Coffee was served as thoroughly, purely and tasty, as at first, when he, a few years ago, moved to this apartment. Soup with guts, pasta with Parmesan, Culebyak, Botvinya, their chickens - all this was replaced in a strict queue one other and pleasantly diversified the monotonous days of a small house.
In the windows from the morning to evening, a joyful ray of the sun was beaten, half a day, half a day to another, not blocked by anything due to the gardens on both sides.
Canaries have fun ruling, Eranny and sometimes the hyacinths-brought by children from the county garden, a strong smell in a small room, pleasantly preventing the smoke of a clean Havana cigar da cinnamon or vanilla, which was conclusing, energly moving elbows, hostess.
Ilya Ilyich lived as if in the Golden Frame of Life, in which, exactly in the diorama, only the usual phases of the day and night and the seasons, other changes, especially major accidents, perturbed from the bottom of life, the entire sediment, often bitter and muddy, did not happen.
Since the gallery has helped the broom from the thieves of Brother's thieves, as a brother and tarantyev retired at all, and all the hostile life of Ilya Ilyich was removed with them. It was now surrounded by such simple, kind, loving persons who all agreed with their existence to stop his life, help him not to notice her, not feel.
Agafya Matveyevna was in the zenith of his life, she lived and felt that she lived full, as he had never lived before, but only to express it, as before, could never, or, better, she did not come about it. She only prayed to God, so that he extends Yelie Ilyich and to save him from any "grief, anger and needs," and his own, their children and the whole house betrayed the will of God. But her face constantly expressed the same happiness, full, satisfied and without desires, hence the impossible impossible and for any other nature.
How to forget the guy you love? Often such a question appeared in life? I think no less than the question of guys, how to forget the girl?. And who knows, perhaps this article reads now, some girl is a questioning question. Perhaps she opened a search engine, drove the question "how to forget the guy" and now reads it. She is waiting for a pill, after which it will immediately become good. I drank her and you are healthy. He drank and no pain. I would be happy to give such a tablet, only it is not for me not from other people, even any psychologist will not cure you in the blink of an eye. Everything inside, there in the head. In expectations and feelings and that it goes not to say magic wordYou can't drink a tablet and even the revenge will not help most .. but in order.
How to forget the guy you love?
Did this question worry girls after parting? Personally, I would ask otherwise: " how to stop suffering?" And what is the answer seen on the surface? That's right, I want to forget to throw him again and do not think, since any memory causes peace of mind. But contact any more or less qualified psychologist and he will explain to you the difference between "stop suffering" and "forget". Any forgetting the object only bursts deep into the experience. Just like the wound, which seemed to have passed, but it is worth disturbing and everything is new. So it turns out, the pain is muffled, but the spiritual conflict itself does not leave it, that wound somewhere inside still torments. And stands at least once to see the object of love online on the net, on the road passing by or at least some news reminiscent former guy and that's it. Everyone again and in a circle, although it would seem yesterday it was better, and now it hurts again. And the meaning was running from feelings? An attempt to escape from what is inspaired with an attempt to forget about the broken leg. Yes, for some time you can not notice, pretend to pretend that everything is fine, and if not to move, but not to walk so much in general, as if healthy. And you look after how many years she will fight herself. Is it just right, rely only for a while? So it turns out, the girl quarreled, with a boy. Years passed, and she all keeps offense, everything wants revenge. Only now the boy is no longer, but there are others who now she does not believe, they are there, they want to take revenge. And all because the past injury was not cured, and he heard ... I buried far deep into and instead of a temporary injury, a global, big and serious, which is so easy not to remove.
Are the emotions of the past be able to interfere with this?
The emotions are complicated, it is difficult to control it by the power of thought, but it's easier to send to the more necessary channel. Where does boredom and craving come from? That's right, from memories. You remember how sweet you kissed under the sunset, or just walked holding hands. Cute, romantic and so tempting. So I want to take up the hands to go again on the track, feel the breeze blowing to you in the face, the fragrance of spirits or flowers. A beautiful sunset and he, right next to his hand and says pleasant words. It would seem a cool picture? Only that this picture is part of the past, what's there. far in it. Living past, this is the same thing that die straight now. Life goes in the present, not in the past and not in the future. In the future, your hopes were not justified, you wanted a wedding of love and children with him, and now there is no one, which means there would seem not. In the past, memories only about him. About walks, about gifts. So we get that in the present without it there is nothing to do? But is it really? The past is not changed, this is a fact. It's not escape from him and forget it is difficult. The more you try to forget, the more it settles in memory. Therefore, the most faithful way out here. And to understand what it was already there. It was and passed. Rate just what is now. Yes, before he loved, loves now? No! Previously, she gave gifts, was romantic and interesting, but is it now? What is his relationship to you? M? Catch off the old memories and take a reality that is. And now! Not there in the future, not in the past, namely now. What is now in your power? And do it! And the future. He is not in it, maybe there? Difference? Why worry now about what was not yet? Or torturing yourself for what happened .. really only what around, everything else may be fiction and your fantasy, which is now and is able to hurt ... let go of fantasy and waiting and immediately become easier.
Broke up how to forget?
Suppose your parting was quite recently. Maybe you yourself decided to part, or they decided for you, which also happens often. The first thought and a desire that is this " as a guy forget? ", But you should not succumb to this feeling. Normal protective mechanism, no more. The only goal is to muffle feelings, at least for a while. And the time can stretch for years as lucky. Therefore, it is worth understanding what exactly torments you. What feelings? Fear of loneliness? Perhaps resentment on the former? It is quite normal that people being in a relationship, begin to invent a joint future and everyone has its own, their fantasies and thoughts. And so, it would seem so great, but everything collapses, as if hurricane. It is difficult to let it go and torments it. Perhaps will not be easier from it, but I still say one such long-known phrase "Nobody, anyone, anything," and even if a person had promised to love forever, said that he would always be there, now he is no longer anything obliged ! Just as you do not have to him. It was written about this in the article "Formula of Love", there is a part of a small part that the love of a kind of contract. Therefore, we can assume that after parting, this contract is canceled. And now no one should anything anything.
Therefore, you first need to understand what is inside. What exactly offends you, what did you wait for him and what did he not give? You can even take a piece of paper and write down all this ... Having understood in feelings, and not running away from them, you can understand and realize that it does not allow you to feel calm what is missing now. If the question "What is missing?" Answer "His", then ROOM on. The point is not in it, every person, although unique, but far from one in the world. And love arises not so much to him, how much to those feelings that he causes. It was described in the article "What Love is." So we get up to a logical continuation ....
Find out the guy, how?
To make it easier to sort out, do not? But this action does not go in an instant and will not come with a drop of rain. We read the article about what love is and together with this is trying to understand what sense you put in this word "love". Only the person himself can know that he invests in him, no one will answer for him. After all, love can be one for me, for you another. For me, love is joy happiness, for you real love can not be without bitterness and tears. The word one, meaning for everyone your own. Everything is just because "love" can not touch, like those feelings within you. She is not one feeling like "hunger", hunger is heard and easy to understand, but there is no feeling of love, as it is a set of feelings. And this is already written in the article, the link was higher.
So let's say we understand what feelings are important for us, what emotions are needed and what he called to feel love. Also realized what was waiting for him. For example, they could wait for consolation, the proposal of the wedding, something else, and he did not give it, he left on the other. But besides "good" emotions and feelings, there are both "bad" and they require exit. The output can be primitive, like a splash of everything that has accumulated on the offender, worse when, all this is on close manwhich is near. So we go to another expensive. The main thing in which is to go to the meeting feelings. Want to cry? Watch! I want to break something? Beam! And so to the end, throw out everything that is until it becomes empty. Everything should leave! And just now. Tomorrow and then on any other day nothing should be nothing. Because it is worth understanding that between "throw out everything at once" and "pick it every day" the difference is huge. Pity for yourself, experiences this way down, which has not yet given happiness. And the consolation of others is only the dependence on the most others. We have long been not children who need guard of adults and their support.
Lack of feelings and emotions ....
Another problem is the lack of feelings, emotions of sensations, which inevitably arises after parting. But it is important to understand that there are still many people around and perhaps not every first, but surely every third can give almost any emotion from that list that was to the guy. Therefore, as soon as we realized, what emotion is missing - find it. And tie to another person. For example, you were calm with the former and it seemed that he could protect everywhere. Do you think this is an exclusive? No. This can give others. Enjoy freedom. Find the spectrum of emotions that grip. And to sleep with each not necessarily, but then it was about that, many might think. No one is obliged to anyone! And even more so, a person who does not promise anything free. So use while it is. Not for the sake of revenge, but just for yourself.
Realizing the expectations that you pinned and they were not fulfilled, realizing the emotions that are missing and finding them around, it will be much easier and easier. It will only love to fall in love a little, a little smile and the world becomes lighter. But it is impossible to disable the past. But you can consciously replace it. Instead of pleasant, remember bad. Find why you could not be together. Weight cause, only the one that is really good for you, and not just an excuse. And when the thoughts arise to remember it. You need to destroy the "pink" picture, which can now be. After all, in anyone, except for "good" there are "bad." Only here consciousness is easily "bad", under the influence of feelings, just kills. And the usual, simple person, "such as everything," seems to be God, the best and only. It can and is unique in something, but not the only one. On the light of many more millions of people, men, women, adolescents, children who later time, as well as you face the problem "broke up with a person. How to forget everything? ", And, it would seem, a unique situation, and to you and after you, once again, occurs in thousands of couples and will occur even after your death. And the problem itself and its essence remains the same. Nothing changes, except those faces that are now in this situation.
Summing out: how to forget the former guy you love? Understand the emotions that arise to it. Throw the negative feelings without running away from them, and moving towards them towards them, but to throw out here and now, without picking up in them every day ... Tie old emotions to someone new and feel the "real" life, not a fairy tale, which is not or a fairy tale of the past, which has already passed. Remove pink glasses, and instead of finding disadvantages that show not the ideality of a partner. Stop blame and offended, the person does not owe you, like you. And the future depends only on you and not from anyone more and the fact that the past in the past, the future does not worse! It will be those who make it you yourself, and not another person will make it for you.
