Number of entries: 120

Hello. I am 30 years old, I haven’t had a serious relationship with men for a long time. I dated a married man for 2.5 years and was deeply in love with him. When we ended our relationship a year later, I called him and we met. It turned out that he got divorced because his wife fell in love with another man and left him. It was clear that he was worried about this, but for me it was joy and an opportunity to continue the relationship without remorse and suffering. I can see from all his actions that he doesn’t love me, and he told me about it. I still have feelings for him, I can’t build relationships or date anyone except him. But he makes it clear that he does not need this relationship. I also saw his correspondence with other women, where he flirts with them. And he wrote to one that he loved his wife. It hurts that when we first met with him, he spoke words of love to me and returned me when I left. It turns out that I was deceived and contributed to the destruction of the family. And now I'm alone. I don’t want to waste my time on frivolous relationships, I want to meet my own person, whom I can trust and with whom I can build a family. A family without false prosperity, deception and betrayal. We work together with this man and sometimes meet. It happens that he pays attention to other women in front of me, it all hurts so much. But I forgive him everything because I love him. How should I deal with this situation?

Julia

You can't expect any good from your feelings for this person. Sorry, you invented these feelings... They simply serve as compensation for normal relationships. We must begin with confession in our “liberation” from this passion. The longer you get stuck in it, the more difficult it will be to count on future family well-being.

Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy

Bless me, father. I do not know what to do. I fell in love with the man and waited for him for about 5 years, but never received a proposal. And now the heart sometimes remembers him. But you probably need to live on, loneliness and the inability to give care to your loved one still turns your days into suffering, no matter how busy you are with work, courses and other things. A young man appeared, we communicate, but somehow our hearts do not lie. And fear for the future, I can’t rely on him as a man ripe for marriage. He recently returned from the army, 24 years old, rents a house, has a job (icon painter) just to survive on his own. I see all this because I’m not in love. But I don’t know what to do, the person himself seems to be good, Orthodox, however, sometimes rude words slip through to other people who do not act very well. This is alarming. But you can’t start a family for the sake of a family? Without love, or will it come? Maybe this acquaintance was sent by God? And do you need to reconcile? But only more often do I remember the person I was waiting for, and involuntarily compare, even though a year has passed since the last meeting and parting. What should I do? I’ve been struggling for five years now, and I can’t find any way out. I pray, I go to church. Who else should I pray to? What to do?

Ksenia

Ksenia, dear! Why are you so depressed! You are still very young to treat your life this way. You shouldn’t marry a proto “good” person. You need to create a family with a loved one, someone close to you, who will also be your friend. Of course, there are no people without shortcomings. You ask the question: “Or maybe he was sent by God?” And I would ask you: “Would you like him to become the father of your children?” If the answer to this question is negative, then there is no point in discussing this topic even further.

Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy

Father, my father abandoned me and my unborn child. He asked for a child, was happy when they said there would be a son, and took me to an ultrasound. And when the deadline approached 7 months, he said: “It would be better if this bastard died!” And he left us without help and support. I can't handle it on my own. The Lord teaches us to pray for our enemies and forgive them, but I don’t know how one can forgive such a thing. I understand with my mind that I need to forgive, but I can’t. How, to whom should I pray to find peace in my soul? I recently started going to church, I confessed, took communion, I read the prayer book, the Gospel, I reconsidered my previous life, but there is no peace in my soul.

Tatiana

Tanya, my husband left me, may God not leave you! Save the baby! You will find happiness and consolation. And leave the traitor to the will of God. There will be no sense from it, but you need to wise up, then peace will come. Don't be a baby in mind.

Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy

Hello, father! I have a very difficult situation in my life. I live with my son, he is still studying. Three years ago, my husband left for another family. Lately, he has stopped helping his son, and he hardly communicates with him. It became very difficult for us. The company where I work is about to close, it’s very difficult to find a job here, especially without help. I want to get a job working with children, it takes a very long time to get a certificate for work (from the police to work in children's institutions), I've almost found a place, and now I'm sitting here worried. I really want to go to work with the kids, I’m afraid to be left without a place while the certificate is being processed. I would like to ask for your prayerful help, if possible. I myself, too, every day ask God for help, my only hope is in Him. Thank you.

Julia

May God help you, Julia! Let's pray for you. It’s good that you have placed all your hope in the Lord, ask for His help, do not forget about the words with which He taught us to pray: “Thy will be done...” If we forget about them, we can overlook the mercy that He will give, because our We have limited our space by will - I want it this way! The Lord undoubtedly has something for you and will send it to you. God bless you!

Priest Sergius Osipov

Help with advice! I’m 37 years old, I’ve achieved a lot in life, but the point is to have a baby! This is my most cherished dream! Now I’m thinking about going to the planning center and having artificial insemination with donor sperm. Am I doing the right thing? I understand that the family should be complete, but I’m completely afraid to be left alone. The most important thing in life is children. How can I pray correctly? What should I do?

Olga

Dear Olga, in the life of a Christian the most important thing is not the husband, not the children, but God! Children should be the fruit of the love of spouses, and not an end in themselves for a woman. If the Lord sends you a husband, He will also give you children. And artificial insemination with donor sperm is unacceptable for a Christian. You can find out more about the Church’s position on this issue at https://mospat.ru/ru/documents/social-concepts/xii/. God bless you!

Archpriest Andrey Efanov

Hello, I love a man very much, he is much older than me, he is in the military, and lives in another city. He loves me, I know that. Was not married. He is a completely normal and adequate person. He says that he doesn’t want to ruin my life, that I’m young and will leave him later, his colleagues tell him the same thing, he left a thousand times on his own, and I accepted his departure, but he himself returned. He tortures himself and me. I prayed for him, for myself, and I pray, I don’t know what to do, I’ve been living like this for 6 years. It's a lot. And I understand that nothing will change on his part, but he worries me and doesn’t let me go. In parallel, in my life there is a man who has been wooing my hand for 4 years in a row, he is also much older than me, he lives in my city. He is kind, good, wealthy, does everything for me, but I can’t even be friends with him, I don’t even have such friendly feelings, I’m already this way and that. And my loved ones put pressure on me: if you don’t get married now, you’ll never get married, you won’t find a better man, let them love you better. I had a lot of suitors at the same time, but they weren’t particularly attracted to me either; I tried to build relationships, but it didn’t work. When a person appears in my life, I always mentally say: “Lord, if it’s not mine, take me away,” and they left, disappeared out of the blue, I tried to find out the reason, at first I regretted it, and then I thought: “Thank God, because, True, it wasn’t mine." Only these two men do not disappear from my life, and I don’t know what to do. I understand with my mind that I won’t see my beloved, and I want to agree to marry someone I don’t love. The fear of loneliness also pushes me to do this. , and my grandmother loved one man all her life, he didn’t live with her, she didn’t want to see anyone else, in the end she wasn’t with anyone, but gave birth to my mother simply because it was necessary. And I have a sister, beautiful, and she's been alone all her life, she's already 35. I want a family, a husband, and children. I'm tired, I don't know what to do right, please tell me, I hope your advice will enlighten me.

Veronica

Veronica, my first advice is to learn to take responsibility for your life yourself, find the courage to make a decision and be responsible for it. It seems to me that you want someone else to do this for you... Therefore, I will not give you advice that will decide your fate. I'm just trying to help you understand yourself. So you write that you love your roommate. Is this so? Maybe you loved before? Are you already considering the possibility of marrying someone else? Then not only the “second option” of arranging a life with an unloved one is not much different from the “first option”. However, the “first” has already eaten up 6 years of your life and, by definition, is infertile. The longer he agonizes, the less chance and time he will have to arrange his own life. You must decide on the answer: Do you want to meet your loved one or just get married? With the second, as I see, you have no problems. But if you want mutual feelings, then why are you asking the question about marriage? You decide what you need. Is it possible to get married without love? There are probably marriages that were created this way and people lived in them all their lives, built a house, planted a tree, gave birth to children. But were they happy in them? What then are the house, children and tree for? So you think about this. It happens in life that health, wealth and prosperity are not given. In short, happiness. You have to live with this... But, it seems to me, the worst thing, the hardest thing is to imitate happiness that does not exist, to pretend that “everything is normal.” It is easier to bear the cross of celibacy than to live in a false relationship. Sometimes it is a person’s own fault that he cannot arrange his life: he exchanges it for petty relationships, for “birds in hand.”

Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy

Hello! At the age of 19, I dated for 3 years, the relationship did not work out. After a 9-year sinful relationship with a married boss, father of 2 children. I respected and loved, but besides me he had another mistress and had fun with us in turn. With great effort I broke off this relationship and left work. I repented. I started going to church. I was alone for 5 years. I prayed to God for a family, for children. And so, at the age of 35, a man appeared, a year younger than me. We had a significant social difference with him: I have my own small law firm, he is a bricklayer (he and his father work together, and a couple of helpers). Well, I thought, I’m a simple person, it’s okay, we can handle it together. Then it became embarrassing that at the age of 34 he did not have money to buy water. I began to slowly ask him, he explained that my father takes all the money, and then gives it to him almost to pay for cigarettes. It turned out that before me he drank, apparently quite heavily, explaining that this was how he whiled away the periods of absence from work in the winter. After a 10-day quarrel they made up, a woman called him with questions: “Where are you? Are you with her? Leave everything there, come to me.” It took a long time to find out who she was, he swore that it was his “ex”, he met her by chance when we were in a quarrel, so he called. As soon as this was found out, another woman called with demands: “Let’s meet.” Both women are married. A painful mistrust emerged. Wanting to eliminate him, I made details of his telephone conversations; it turned out that he had been texting for a long time and communicating with them both during the day and until 3-4 in the morning. The mistrust intensified, she began to look at his phone, got annoyed when he didn’t answer the phone, etc. They swore, he got drunk, insulted with the last words and even raised his hand. In anger and indignation, she called the police, and even “provided” him with 15 days (after which she repented). After 6 months of persuasion, he swore, they made peace. And again the breakup, withstood 1 year of his attacks to make peace. As a result, I am 38 years old, not married, no children. I work and try to lead a Christian life. It seems that dreams of family and children are over. Give some advice of admonition and consolation.

Elena

Elena, the reason, I think, is not in your “free mason”, but more in you yourself. Forgive me, but as a priest I must say that Christians cannot live so informally, unofficially. You know what it’s called, what commandment was broken. But this is not the only problem. The problem is deeper. You are an insecure person, despite the fact that you own a law firm. You have education, and means that allow you to be independent from your husband’s salary, and social status. And in your personal life you are a “slave”... As psychologists say, and I agree with them, you have low self-esteem. Are you really worried that you will be alone? Why are you exchanging your life for a relationship with this gigolo? Why did you put yourself in such a position that you are simply being taken advantage of? Moreover, I see that this is also true in life... There is no need to transfer business rules to personal life, but reason and firmness should still be there. Think, pray, write if something is unclear.

Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy

Hello, father! A few months ago I turned to clairvoyants and parapsychologists with a request to improve my personal life, as well as in financial matters, since I had huge debts. They extracted 50,000 rubles from me little by little, conducted several sessions with all sorts of subjects, including religious ones, but life never got better. Then I found out that this was a great sin, I confessed in our church, but we only have a general confession, and this question still worries me, maybe I should have confessed in detail to a priest somewhere, what if God didn’t forgive me for this and Do I still have this grave sin on me? I just wanted to improve my personal life. Thank you in advance.

Vyacheslav

God is not offended, and therefore does not “forgive” in our understanding of the word. A person can simply sin and fall away from God, and then repent and return to Him. If you have sincerely repented of this sin, it means that this sin no longer burdens your soul. However, it is better to confess sins of such gravity individually, rather than in a general confession.

Deacon Ilya Kokin

Hello! I would like to know whether it is possible for a young unmarried girl to wear the pendant of the Virgin Mary “Seven Arrows”; will it not interfere with her personal life? I was told that she was alone in life, so I’m afraid that loneliness will bring.

Olesya

Olesya, an Orthodox person can wear any images of Saints. Icons do not bring loneliness or unhappiness. Everything is the Will of God, everything depends on it, and not on external objects and signs. If you want to get married and be happy, then pray and ask the Mother of God about it.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Dear fathers! Please clarify my doubts for me. I am a believer, although I only recently joined the church, I am 36 years old, I have been divorced for 10 years. My husband cheated on me. I have been raising my son alone all this time. Recently I began to live with a man without permission, I know that this is a great sin, and my reluctance to be lonely does not serve as an excuse for me. And I was lonely for quite a long time. He is not against painting, but he is waiting for something, and he is a believer, but somehow in his own way. As soon as we sign, I will definitely confess my sin, but I am also worried that somewhere in the Bible it is written that some rich man loved to give alms, but also loved fornication, and this alms were not counted as mercy to him . Is it possible, despite prodigal cohabitation, to do good deeds? Will they please God from me? Every day I ask God for forgiveness for all my sins, but I cannot speed up the event with the painting... Thank you very much for your answer and for all your work. Lord save us all!

Julia

Yulia, the fact that you understand everything gives me hope that your problem will be resolved soon. Don't be discouraged. Pray to God, pray in the temple. Good deeds should not be abandoned! Live like a Christian. But, of course, good deeds should not be a bargaining chip... We need to solve your problem, try! Ask God for time and strength, moral strength. Read the material about civil marriage in the “My Fortress” section. I hope you find it useful.

Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy

Hello, father! I am 31 years old and I am looking for a man, a spouse to start a family on the Internet, because at my age in a small village it is difficult to find unmarried men, and young guys leave because there is little work in the village, and those who remain only drink wine and they are not interested in anything. Now there are so many sites on the Internet with dating profiles all over Russia, I look through them, and I’m just at a loss, how can I choose the one and only one with whom I want to go through my whole life hand in hand? The guys and men from the profiles assure of their decency and desire to create a strong family, but I’m afraid to make a mistake with the choice, because there are a lot of dishonest ones... Is searching for a future husband on the Internet worth the time spent? I humble myself, trust in the will of God, pray and ask the Lord to send me a person close in spirit, a real man who can be the support of the family, and his financial situation is not even so important to me, but so that there is reciprocity of feelings, mutual understanding, but what a rarity this is in our days! How to be? What will you advice me?

Svetlana

The Internet is the same zone of communication as our whole life: you can meet anything. You just have to remember that a person there can skillfully hide himself and be different. Secondly, I don't like dating sites. Communicate better in interest groups.

Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy

Hello! Please help me, I don’t know what to do right... Several years ago I dated a young man. One day he went on a business trip to the city of Murom and went to the temple there, and brought from there an icon of the patrons of family happiness (Prince Peter and Princess Fevronia). He carried this icon with him for some time, then gave it to me. About a year passed and we broke up. Only now he is married and happy in his marriage, but nothing is working out for me. Maybe it’s all about this icon that I still have? So, I’m thinking of taking her to the chapel of St. Xenia the Blessed. Will this harm me?

Irina

It's not about the icon! Nowadays, starting a family is not at all easy. Much depends on you, what kind of person you are. Reasonable people pay attention not only to external attractiveness, but also to human qualities. Develop yourself! Don't be a vine woman, a plant that needs support. Much also depends on the environment, surroundings, friends. Pray and do not lose heart. Marriage is a good thing, but it is not the only goal in life. A woman whose only goal is marriage and a man cannot be interesting.

Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy

Hello, dear priests. I have read a lot of answers and questions similar to mine, I would like to ask about a pressing topic on this site, and in life. I’m alone, I can’t start a family. 5 years ago I met a guy, we dated for six months, then we broke up, we had nothing. I've loved him ever since. We broke up due to mutual stupidity, I know that he did not love me and does not love me, otherwise he would have shown up already. He really offended me with his attitude after the breakup, he pretended that we didn’t know each other. Although I'm not one of those who hang themselves around their necks. But all the same, with his attitude towards me, I cannot forget him in my heart, and I always remember him. I also want to tell you that I hate my own father, I can’t help it. I constantly ask God for forgiveness for this. I can’t go to confession, I feel like the time hasn’t come, although at one time I even began to intensively prepare for it. Sometimes such despondency overtakes me that, in fact, I understand why I am being punished with loneliness, for hating my own father. I have my reasons for this, I reproach myself for it. But over the years the situation has not changed. I ask God for a husband. I pray. But, you know, now I don’t even want to go to church. Everyone I know looks at me with condemnation, like I’m somehow different, since I’m lonely. Tell me, fathers, how to deal with love for your ex-boyfriend, I’ve been in love for 4 years now, by the way, for some reason his relationships aren’t going well either, and things weren’t going well before me either. We met most of all, I wanted to marry him so much, I was ready to love, respect and be a real wife for my husband, I was ready to throw away my entire character. And what if hatred towards your father does not go away? I don’t know where the exit is, my soul is so heavy. Everyone is like everyone else, but I am not a family person. Thanks to all the priests for the answers. May God grant everyone to find the answer to their question here.

Olya, you are still a very young girl. Now the situation is such that families are created by older people. The age of marriage is increasing. Don't be so desperate. I think that you greatly exaggerate the attention of others to you. This is suspiciousness. Try not to pay attention to this. Become a self-sufficient person and your life will change. Pray. Pray for your father. Even if there is resentment against him in his heart. Prayer for “those who offend us” is our justification.

Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy

Hello, father! Please pray for my beloved person to return to me, he is my common-law spouse, I have loved him for almost 6 years. I am 22 years old, and I have a little daughter, I have made a lot of mistakes, but I repent very much, I am very sorry that I hurt him, my name is Ekaterina, his name is Vyacheslav. Thank you very much!

Catherine

Hello, Ekaterina. I cannot ask God to resume your prodigal cohabitation, but I will pray for your health. God help you.

Priest Alexander Beloslyudov

Hello, father! For 4 months now I have been praying to the Lord and the Saints for the return of my husband to the family. He left me pregnant and went to another city to serve. They also didn’t live very well in marriage: they swore, he raised his hand against me, even when I was pregnant, he also beat me, insulted my parents. But strangely enough, I forgave him for everything, because I still love him. I divorced my husband. Father, tell me, should I read prayers for the family to the Most Holy Theotokos, to John the Theologian? Or should I ask the Lord for a loving husband and a caring father for my child? What should I do?

Dear Yana! Think about it, is such a marriage worth your tears? Do you need reunification with such a spouse? Imagine that now he will raise his hand to your baby. And you won’t even be able to protect the child. The condition you are currently experiencing is called “codependency”. You definitely need to see a psychologist, since women in this state are especially vulnerable and inactive, they live in it for years, enduring beatings and humiliation. And the children of such women grow up mentally insecure and deprived of childhood. Pray that the Lord will strengthen you and send you a kind and loving spouse, and a good father to your child. God bless you!

Archpriest Andrey Efanov

Hello, father! I came to Moscow to study, then found a job. I am 27 years old and I am not married, this topic really bothers me. I don’t need any benefits, although I used to strive to earn more, but now I don’t see the point without a husband and children. Every day I ask the Lord to send me a good husband. But I just can’t get to know each other. I work all the time. And in the places where I sometimes go, I don’t meet any free guys. And if they do meet, they are not the ones you can rely on and walk alongside through life. I went to confession twice, I visit churches, but not so often, I was in Murom with Peter and Fevronya, in the Kiev Pechersk Lavra, with Mother Matrona and in other churches in Moscow. Everywhere I thank the Lord for everything I have: a wonderful job as parents, and I ask only for one thing: the health of my loved ones and the creation of my own family. Maybe I’m doing something wrong in life, what should I do, how can I pray to the Lord to have mercy and hear my prayer? Tell me what to do? Will I really be left alone, maybe I’m guilty before the Lord? Please give me advice on what to do. Thank you.

Natalia

Dear Natalya, why do you immediately conclude that you are guilty? If your conscience bothers you about something, then you need to confess it. And in general, try to visit the temple more often. It is best to choose a temple to which you are especially passionate and always go to it. As for marriage, this also takes time. You are at work all the time. Even if the Lord sends you a spouse, will you find enough time for family life? Think about this question, if you decide to sacrifice part of your life for the sake of marriage, then start by setting aside this time now to meet men (chaste dating, of course). By the way, among believers there are many men who are also puzzled by the choice of their future spouse. Maybe in a church or on some Orthodox online forum you will meet your future husband? God help you!

Archpriest Andrey Efanov

Father, bless me, I beg you, help me, my soul is breaking, my heart is crying. I love a guy, he says he loves me too, but in his own way, I don’t understand, and he can’t explain. He also says that he doesn’t want to lose me, but he loves someone else, a married woman. I am 31 years old, and my personal life is not going well. I love him madly, but we have no future, he doesn’t explain anything either, he’s not married. Help, tell me what to do? I’m losing weight, getting old, my friends don’t recognize me, I don’t have the strength. Thank you.

Natalia

Dear Natasha! Your age is far from old, and every second woman now dreams of losing weight. So you write about yourself that you are “getting old”, but you love a “guy”. Is he 10 years younger than you? Or do you consider male years differently? I am writing this to mean that the problem you have is in your consciousness, in your head, inside, in your self-esteem. You don’t have to love anyone madly - then it’s not love, but sinful passion. It is convenient for an unscrupulous person to take advantage of you. We need to put our feelings and mind in order! I refer you to the article “Slave of Love” and the materials of my LJ: http://clerical-x.livejournal.com/. I hope you find it useful.

Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy

Hello. I have this situation. I was married, I have a daughter growing up - a disabled person from childhood (oncology - liver cancer). Now I am talking on the phone with a young man from prison. He ended up there because he protected a girl from rapists. Well, we've been talking for 4 months now. He asks to come to him. He says he loves me and my daughter. He helps us in every possible way. He proposed to me and said that we can sign with him while he is in prison, and when he gets out, we will definitely get married. I do not know what to do. I tell him that I can’t sign with him yet, that I’m afraid. My parents and relatives do not know that he is imprisoned. Help, give me advice on what to do?

Tatiana

Tanya, despite the fact that you have such a problem with your child, I advise you to be more careful. It is possible that the person who is in prison actually ended up there innocently. Anything can happen in life. But something else happens. Prisoners entertain themselves by telephone conversations with gullible women who “love with their ears” and are ready to take their word for anything they are told. Falling in love “over the phone” is a very unwise act. And without knowing the person, give consent to marriage... No comments! If you have doubts, directly ask your friend about the article of the Criminal Code under which he is imprisoned. Look what is written in the Code. It's not just the innocent who are in prison! Ask the colony administration for an opinion about the prisoner (just don’t talk about telephone conversations, this is prohibited). And pray you don't get into trouble.

Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy

Hello, please tell me, maybe I'm doing something wrong? Divorced for 8 years, still no one, why GOD DOESN’T GIVE ME A HUSBAND, WHAT IS THE REASON, I REALLY NEED HIS PRESENCE!

Catherine

Hello, Ekaterina. Everything has its time. Believe me, God gives you what you need for salvation. It's up to you whether to accept it or be dissatisfied. When the ancient Jews, seeing that all the surrounding nations had kings, envied them and began to demand a king for themselves, God said to the prophet Samuel: “They did not reject you, but Me.” And he gave the people King Saul, a tyrant and a psychopath. People suffered a lot from him. But when he humbled himself, he received another king, the just and God-fearing David. Persistently begging God for earthly well-being (health, husband, work) is similar to the example given with the Jews demanding a king. God knows what we need even before we ask. But if we humble ourselves and thank God for what He gives us, whether we like it or not, then we will have everything necessary for temporary and eternal life, and we will not suffer. God help you.

Priest Alexander Beloslyudov

Good afternoon. I would like to ask for advice in the following situation. I am 34 years old, never married and no children. But my personal life is not going well at all. I met with many, but it all ended very quickly. Until recently, I lived with a young man for 8 months, we were planning a wedding, a child, but were waiting for his divorce. On New Year’s Day, his wife said: “Go, live separately, and find yourself another woman”... And so he found me. We lived for six months, their divorce took place on August 13, they both even gave up a month for reconciliation. And this ex sees us together, and she starts getting hysterical, she starts calling him, crying, manipulating the child. And he loves his son very, very much (he is 12 years old). And his son is very drawn to him. He came to us too, and was very happy when he stayed overnight with us; mother, naturally, did not know that dad was not alone. And so, in hysterics, she invites him to start everything from scratch. And he, without thinking twice, goes to her. On the third day after the divorce! I can’t find a place for myself, because we almost already had our own family, I was left without work in a foreign city and without money. I gave up everything for him and was left with nothing. Moreover, I’m depressed, from which I haven’t been able to get out of for almost two months now... But everything was so great that I couldn’t even think that I’d be left with nothing again. Father, I know that this is a sin, but I also believe in the presence of magic and witchcraft, maybe I have a curse or a crown of celibacy? What should I do? I’m in complete despair, what if someone wished me harm and now my life isn’t working out? I know there is a concept of humility, but how? I’m a young girl, and I also want simple female happiness.

“I’m almost 30 years old, and I’m still not married! But I need to give birth while I can! I want children and I want a husband to live as a family! I want my own family! Why doesn’t God give me a husband?! After all, I do everything: I go to church every Sunday, I pray, I keep fasts, I often confess, but He doesn’t hear me,” many girls say with despair. “And it’s not that there aren’t any young men. They exist, but many of them are not suitable for family life. They don’t need anything, no family, no children, just to have fun and that’s all. It's just a dead end! And there are very few Orthodox guys in general, and even those are kind of childish: they don’t get married and don’t go to the monastery,” the girls are indignant.

“Maybe I’m living wrong? Probably very modest. We need to be more actively involved in the search for a husband. Take this matter into your own hands, be more persistent,” some decide.

And indeed, some people succeed. There is a person who seems to be decent and says that he loves her. They get married. And what follows from this?...

Story one

Lyudmila, 28 years old, set herself a goal: to get married this year. How long can you live alone? Life with her first husband may not have been successful, but 5 years have already passed, the emotional wounds have healed, the child is growing up, he needs a father. Waiting for someone to pay attention to her and want to marry her no longer seems possible. We need to act. She advertised in the newspaper. More than 30 men responded.

After all the meetings with the applicants and the choice, there was only one left, although he was short and thin, and she was a large woman, but nothing, but the man in the house would finally redo all the men’s work.

Whether he remade all the work, history is silent. But after a month she walked around with a bruise. And after a year of nightmare life with him, she decided to secretly sell her one-room “guest house” from him and flee to another city. Which is what I did. Otherwise, I could have parted not only with the “hotel”, but also with my life.

Story two

Anna (29 years old) was soon to get an apartment. It was her turn. By law, he and his daughter were supposed to be allocated a two-room apartment. Anna was not satisfied with the number of rooms and she decided to urgently get married, give birth to another child, and then they would have to give her a three-room apartment.

Planned - done. Soon she met a young man, although he was 7 years younger than her, but he seemed to love her, was devoted to her and fulfilled all her wishes. They merried.

And then in her calm, well-functioning life, various adventures began to happen one after another, all of them unpleasant for some reason. It started with the fact that he was attacked, beaten and robbed, both wedding rings disappeared, and he ended up in the police. Anna, despite the fact that she was already pregnant, got another job. She earned money and paid the fine for him and bought new wedding rings. She should think about it here. But she decided: it was an unfortunate accident, and got him a job as a driver. Soon he had an accident, crashed his car and hit someone. Why was he imprisoned? While he was in prison, she gave birth to a daughter and received the coveted 3-room apartment. All this time she supported him both morally and financially. She paid for car repairs and brought him parcels. She herself constantly worked in whatever way she could, despite the fact that she had an infant.

She hoped that after he left, they would live richly and happily. But that did not happen. In the zone, he undermined his health, including his mental health, and became completely inadequate, especially when he drank. He often created scandals and hysterics, beat her, ran after her with a knife for some reason while naked.

Finally, she realized that nothing better could be expected, and her eldest daughter gave her an ultimatum. Anna kicked him out and settled him separately in a “hotel”. But he did not lag behind them, came periodically and caused scandals. I didn't pay for the room. She paid and supported him.

Ultimately, she had to sell her apartment, which she had acquired at such a high price, and move far to the north, using the money to buy an old one-room apartment. Here are just two examples of self-will among many cases when people get married “at any cost.” Well, I left. What next?

Recently, online dating has become fashionable. And that's probably a good thing. But it also happens.

Story three

Marina and Andrey met on the Internet. They corresponded for a whole year, liked each other: they both match each other in intelligence, are interested in the same television programs, books, look at many things in life the same, etc., they have a common love - the computer. When they met, they became even more alike in character. We got married.

And suddenly, everything disappeared somewhere: the desire to communicate, and to be together, and common interests. For some reason the children didn’t start either. Andrei sat more and more silently at the computer; he did not want to talk to his wife again. And the computer was no longer enough for her; she wanted more live communication, attention, understanding, finally. They were moving further and further away from each other. Finally she decided to leave for her city, which she left for him. Her parents, friends, and her more emotionally fulfilling life remained there.

Maybe they should have put 2 computers in different rooms and communicate via the Internet? Then, perhaps, they would still live together, that is, the four of them: he, she and 2 computers? But would it be a family?

Showing tenderness and love over the Internet, it turns out, is not the same as directly in communication. And the responsibility for showing your feelings is different. It’s one thing to write the word “love”, another thing to feel love, another thing to love. It is one thing to write tender words, another thing to feel tenderness for a person, and another thing to be gentle.

So the Internet does not save you from loneliness.

Let's look at the problem from the other side.

Young men, in turn, are also looking for their soul mate, and they also have their own complaints. “Now there are no decent girls, they all think only about themselves, they all only need rich husbands, they all strive to command and do not want to obey their husbands. But Orthodox young men have special claims.”

Story four

Vladimir spent a long time looking closely at the girls who visit the temple. Finally he met Dasha. Well, everyone likes a girl: she’s beautiful, she’s tall, and, most importantly, she’s a believer. But the trouble is, there is one “drawback” - a candidate of sciences. And when I just managed to do it at the age of 26! After a short acquaintance, Vladimir shocked his chosen one with the statement: “When we get married: there will be a lot of children, you won’t work. In the meantime,” he added, “I brought my things here, so wash them.” The veil of love immediately fell from her eyes from such a house-building. And not because she doesn’t want to give birth and she’s not a careerist at all. And he wants children, and would give birth to him, as many as God sent, but he was outraged by such a consumerist attitude towards his future wife. Moreover, with his current income, let alone a large family, he can hardly provide for himself. They broke up.

This is how it turns out that with our pretensions and high aspirations it is really difficult to find a husband or wife. We all know what we want from others, and do not think about what we ourselves can and should give.

So, what do you need to do to get married?

Maybe you shouldn’t rush and chase the ghost of a husband or wife with virtues imaginary in your spare time, even when you are already approaching 30 or over 30?

There is no need to force things. Maybe while you are running around looking for your husband and breaking into the wrong doors and walking along the wrong paths, at this time the person destined for you by God has long been waiting for you somewhere nearby and you have already passed by many times? Look around.

Or maybe it is that he is not yet ready for marriage, has not matured after another mistake and loss, and he just needs to come to his senses, realize the reason for his mistakes, so as not to repeat them again. Wait a little.

Or maybe he is your betrothed, has not yet arrived in your city and does not even know that he should go there and meet you, and specifically you and no one else? God can see everything: with whom, when and where we should meet in order for it to be good and beneficial for us.

It also happens that you yourself are not ready for family life. Often girls dream of dissolving in a loved one, in an unborn child, forgetting about themselves, about their soul, which belongs to no one but God. Becomes a slave to her loved ones. But such dissolution benefits no one: neither the husband nor the child. After all, it is said: “Do not make yourself an idol,” even from your own family.

It would be good to understand: what am I doing wrong, which is why God does not give me a husband (wife). What character trait, what passion is stopping me?

Of course, it’s very difficult to figure this out on your own. Look for someone who will help you. First of all, these are your parents, whom you never listened to - listen. After all, it is their blessing that decides a lot. Maybe it's your older brother or your friend. Perhaps you should turn to an Orthodox psychologist - you will understand yourself faster. And, of course, to a priest who knows you. Often everything is revealed after confession.

Believe me, if you are ready for family life, then if there were much fewer men (women) around you than there are now, and all of them would be completely unsuitable for you, then you will still be given the one you deserve, and believe me, he will be much better than all those whom you desired and chose for yourself. The Lord never makes mistakes.

And it happens like that. A girl sits in a tiny office, working with papers. And she has nowhere to go, except to the dining room during lunch break. There are also only women working around. Men walk far from her office. I’m already 26 years old, it’s time to get married. But she makes no effort to find a husband. He doesn't even go to discos.

But one fine day, a young man whom she hardly knows, but people only say good things about him, wooed her.

How did he spot her in her closet? God knows! He invited her to marry him. And she agreed.

And so they got married. Although we weren’t friends at all before, we only met for two months from submitting an application to the registry office until registration. That's all.

And they live happily.

(All examples given in the article are from real life. The characters are real, but the names have been changed.)

Nadezhda Fedorovna Parenko,
psychologist, Tyumen

Families who ask the Lord for a child and cannot conceive for a long time are gradually filled with disappointment and bitterness; the question “Why does not the Lord give children to a woman?” is increasingly heard. How to accept and understand God's providence? Is it possible to find the strength after constant failures to trust Him further? Is there a way out of this situation?

Possible reasons

Why doesn't the Lord give a child to a woman? No one knows the answer for sure, and there is no single correct answer to this complex, dreary question. Everything is in the hands of the Lord and His Will is not ours, therefore all the answers are hidden from Him, but a person should not always search for them furiously.

What to do if God does not give children?

What are the possible causes of infertility in a woman? Without taking into account medical indications, you can make a small list:

1. As a test of faith and patience, some families could not come to terms with the absence of children for a long time, but just when their souls were filled with complete humility before the Lord and acceptance of His will, He sent them a baby.
2. For churching, some women who are diagnosed with infertility seek solutions in the church, thereby saving their and their husband’s souls. There is a lot of evidence of how people who joined the church and became true Orthodox soon became parents.
3. The consequence of abortion - murder (and this is precisely what abortion is) is strictly punished by the Lord and often women are those who have committed the orders of infertility. Children must be accepted when the Lord sends them, and not when a person decides;
4. The consequence of the sinful youth of parents is promiscuity, adultery, and some types of contraception have a detrimental effect on a woman’s reproductive abilities. Such people should first of all repent before the Lord and only then pray to Him for mercy and offspring.

Each case is individual, in any case, a woman (and her husband necessarily) should think about why the Lord does not send them offspring.

Perhaps you need to repent of something, maybe you need to confess a secret sin, or perhaps you need to do your part - get examined by a doctor and solve problems, if any.

The ways of the Lord are mysterious, and sometimes He does not give children of His own, so that the family can serve someone’s abandoned child and adopt him. And for some, the Lord does not allow them to have children because of selfishness and selfishness.

Everyone must find their own answer.

The Church and modern methods of combating infertility

Modern technologies allow even women who could not get pregnant for many years to finally become a mother. What does the Church say about the use of these methods?

To begin with, it should be clarified that all medications that help restore the reproductive function of the body are allowed and welcomed by the Church as a safe way to improve health and fulfill the human part. Therefore, the following methods are allowed:

• medical examinations;
• use of hormonal drugs;
• tracking menstrual cycles;
• use of appropriate medications.

But the following were prohibited by the Council of Bishops in 2000:

• in vitro fertilization;
• surrogacy.

Church opinion on IVF

Why is IVF prohibited? Because this is a gross invasion of the mystery of conception and the accompanying murder of children. The decision of the Council prohibited Orthodox believers from using all types of this procedure.

Eco is performed as follows: superovulation is stimulated, which makes it possible to obtain a large number of eggs, the best ones are selected from them and fertilized with the husband’s seed. The fertilized cells are then placed in a special incubator where they mature so that they can be partly transplanted into the uterus and partly frozen.

Important! There is no guarantee that a miscarriage will not occur, but embryos are always destroyed or killed during the procedure. Therefore, the Church strictly prohibits these procedures.

Answers from priests

Many priests agree on one opinion - that it is necessary to accept God’s providence with humility.

For example, Elder Paisius the Svyatogorets said that God sometimes deliberately delays in order to further fulfill His plan for saving people. This can be seen in many stories in the Bible - Abraham and Sarah, Joachim and Elizabeth, St. Anna, Elizabeth and Zechariah. The birth of children depends on God first of all, but also on man. And it is necessary to do everything possible so that God gives the child, but if He hesitates, there is a reason for this and we must accept it.

We must pray and not lose heart! Hegumen Luka expresses a kind of revolutionary idea that in the case of a childless union it is not necessary to do anything. The main thing in our life is finding salvation and only then the joys of marriage and motherhood. So some are predestined by God to be single, so some are predestined to serve the Lord and not have children.

Archpriest Pavel Gumerov advises infertile couples not to despair, but to wait patiently. He advises to undergo a medical examination, solve all problems in human ways, simultaneously praying to the righteous Joachim and Anna, Peter and Fevronia, as well as making pilgrimage trips to holy places. He says being away from children for long periods of time tests their feelings.

Priest Valery Dukhanin advises not to strive to comprehend all the secrets of Divine care for people. Children are God's gift, given according to His will and Providence. It is necessary to accept them with humility. He gives some examples that show that sometimes God closes a woman’s womb for the benefit of the spouses and one must be able to accept this benefit.

What to do if you can’t give birth to a child? About the talent of childlessness

Mar 25, 2018 16:27Administrator

molitva-info.ru

There is no will of God for our loneliness - the priest’s answer to a site reader

Hello, Elena.

How to stop wanting a family and children, you ask, how to come to terms with loneliness?

Priest Sergius Kruglov

I don't think so. It is impossible to come to terms with this, especially since the word “humility” in the Christian sense does not at all mean “give up on everything and surrender to the enemy.” Loneliness is one of the faces of our enemy, death, that enemy whom Christ the Lord defeated by His death and Resurrection, in the victory over which we are all called to take part. All of our Christian work is dedicated to the fight against loneliness - coming out of ourselves, from the shell of our “I”, to our neighbor, to God, recognition and unity with them in love. Love is God’s most important commandment to man; by striving for it, man overcomes loneliness.

Your words: “How to accept God’s will for yourself?” I think in this context they are incorrect. It is not God’s will for us to be lonely and suffer, His will is for us to be happy. I say this sincerely, and not at all because the priest’s job, they say, is to “protect” God. God does not need our protection, especially when we explain the misfortune that is happening by His will and blame everything on Him. In the fact that your heart does not accept various Orthodox clichéd answers to painful questions, I see a manifestation of the will of God. After all, the Lord gives each of us the strength and ability of mind, heart and body to fight for our happiness.

Christians must strive for happiness, and not just “please God.” In our idea that with our fasting, prayers, confession, communion, and doing good deeds we must “please God,” there is undoubtedly a sound grain. After all, it’s a joy for a child to please mom and dad. But there is also a bias: firstly, if we consider all this to be an end in itself, and not just a means for something greater.

Secondly, if for us God is not so much a loving and compassionate Father for us, but rather a formidable Master and Boss, then pleasing turns into slavish doing under the lash, that is, completely opposite to what God wants from us.

Why are we unhappy, why do we have to fight for happiness, that is, fulfilling God’s commandment of love and overcoming loneliness - sometimes fighting hard, painfully, until we bleed? Because we were born into a fallen world, full of evil, sin, imperfection and danger. Life is such that it does not spare anyone, it drives over us indifferently and blindly, not paying attention to someone’s screams and moans, the crunching of the bones of the righteous or sinners under the wheel.

The fact that we are still alive, despite a million dangers, can be considered a real miracle, a miracle of the manifestation of God’s care for us.

He went to the cross for us and always puts His hands under the blows of life that befall us. Why and for what purpose all this evil is a meaningless question; what God created has meaning, but evil has no meaning. Another question is relevant - what to do about this evil and how to fight it.

How do you, Elena, fight for your happiness? I, of course, do not give any advice, especially since I only know about your circumstances what you yourself said in the letter; here, the absentee advice that we sometimes easily and willingly give to each other right and left may be “missing the mark,” are simply harmful. The idea that a priest knows the exact answers to all questions is fundamentally wrong. Life, alas, poses many more questions than it answers. But it is also important to ask the right questions. After reading your letter, questions may be:

“I’m used to relying on the “will of God” in everything - it sounds Orthodox, but doesn’t this actually mean, as it often, alas, happens: I want God, the Supreme Authority, to decide for me, to guide me - but without my participation, that I'm afraid to take responsibility for my life?

So I wrote that I am not a blue stocking in a black scarf, I go to companies, but I do not mention those men who were with me in these companies, in general about those that I met in life. Am I really living on some fantastic planet where there are no men at all? Could it be that men did meet, but things “didn’t work out” with them? And if this is really the case, then why didn’t it work out?

Let me remind you once again: I’m not talking specifically about you, Elena, but I’m just giving you food for thought. Many women come to church with questions similar to yours, and the leitmotif of their complaints is approximately the same: I want to have a husband, but the kind of men I meet are not suitable for me, one is childish, another likes to drink, and there is no spiritual intimacy with the third. What to do?

If we put aside tears and complaints, there are two real ways. Or don’t waste your time and stubbornly wait for what you want, the one you see in your dreams. But then you need to soberly tell yourself: I’m ready to wait and endure for years, perhaps my whole life, but I don’t agree to live without true love. God help me!

Or the second way: remember that God bequeathed to love real, and not imaginary, neighbors, and that the main way to receive love is to start loving yourself. And marry someone who exists, who you actually met in life, even if he is not ideal. And tell myself soberly: I am ready to do everything that a lover does for his beloved, bear him children, be faithful to him, not judge and not reject him from myself for his sins. I’m ready to help him get rid of them, without waiting for feelings to come along with deeds of love. God help me!

Both paths are a cross. Not what you called a “cross” in your letter, but precisely this: we bear the cross following the example of our Teacher and Savior, and He accepted the cross consciously and voluntarily. Unwanted, involuntary torment and suffering, which you just strive to throw off your shoulders, is no longer a cross. And there is no benefit from such torment and suffering.

What will I choose - to continue to sit, huddled in the shell of my unfulfilled desires, to wallow in my grievances and sores, watching in panic as the years pass, as dissatisfaction and despondency develop into severe depression? Or take and take steps within my power? Everyone decides for themselves. Only in the first case, God cannot break through to us through the shell of loneliness, which we ourselves strengthen with our inaction, but in the second, He helps us carry the cross, and life takes on meaning.

Because every cross carried along with Christ, to the extent of one’s faith, ends not in death, but in resurrection. I cannot prove this right now - but I can testify that I have met both those who patiently waited for their love, and those who, in everyday life, day after day, grew it from what was at hand.

Of course, life is full of nuances, and in reality everything can be much more complicated than in my thoughts. In any case, I wish you, Elena, not to despair, and I believe that everything will be fine for you. Easily? No, it’s unlikely that it’s easy. Everything real and vitally important in life is always won. In the struggle with yourself - first of all, with your passions, illusions, phobias, fears, lack of faith. Yes, in the struggle there is a real risk of getting wounded and maimed, but there is also a real chance of winning, because God is for us.

www.pravmir.ru

Priest Mikhail Nemnonov: Marriage is the last corner of heaven on earth

Today everyone is talking about the family crisis. Indeed, where can you now see an idyllic family, as in the 19th century - spouses, parents, godfathers and many, many children, or even a post-war family, where there are fewer children, but two or three, for sure, and the parents live in perfect harmony. According to statistics, today there are twice as many divorces as marriages. Such happy people who love each other two years later indifferently say: “They don’t get along in character...”. Orthodox families are also falling apart. Parents also grieve for their children... We asked priest Mikhail Nemnonov to answer the most pressing questions - many of which were asked to us by readers of the site.

– Where should a proper family life begin? What is the most important rule of family life?

– – The main rule of Christian family life is very simple: “Seek first the Kingdom of God and its righteousness,” says the Lord, “and all other things will be added to you.” The family life of a Christian is the “private” of the “general”; our family responsibilities are part of our Christian duty. Family life is the way we try to get closer to God, it is the path to salvation. Even family problems teach inner spiritual life and do not hinder it, because they are solved only when we try to change ourselves, and not our loved ones.

– Father, is it correct to say that spouses should, first of all, treat family life as a readiness to make a sacrifice on their part?

– I am very careful about calls for sacrifices. Sacrifice is certainly present in the Christian life. Someone even said that in the life of every conscious Christian there are elements of martyrdom. But if we make too many sacrifices in the family, and especially before marriage we set ourselves up to sacrifice, sacrifice, and sacrifice again, this can be harmful for both the other spouse and the family as a whole.

– That is, from the very beginning there should not be an attitude that marriage is martyrdom?

– No, the installation should be different. Marriage is above all joy. Someone said that marriage is the last corner of heaven on earth. At least, this is how it should be, and this is exactly what you need to tune in to.

– Father, what do you see as the main problem of the modern family?

– The main problem of a Christian family is probably our selfishness. Because there are terrible cases: people easily look for affairs on the side, having several children and at the same time being churched (!) Christians, and at the same time they talk about Christian love, about spiritual love...

We have become more spoiled than we were before. In my memory, there has never been an ideal life or ideal people. But still, over the past twenty to thirty years we have become more pampered and narcissistic. Today we are less aware of what duty is, and with greater taste and enthusiasm we please ourselves, even as church people. Many people understand church life itself as a way to give themselves pleasure, albeit not rough, not material, but some kind of subtle and spiritual pleasure, but pleasure nonetheless. And we often go to church, attend the sacraments, confess and communicate with confessors not at all in order to become closer to God or to part with sins, but with the goal of pleasing ourselves.

This is what the family suffers from. The main problem is precisely that we see even the closest people through the prism of our selfishness. This, on the one hand, is natural - man is designed this way. Some psychologists claim that a person is “normally” 90% selfish. We all want to be warm, to be well-fed, to be treated well, to be spoken to gently and lovingly. By nature, we are such that we feel our own need for all this more acutely than the needs of other people. But only the Lord calls us to do for others what we wish for ourselves. And we, knowing this, demand from others that they do everything for us, leaving ourselves the role of consumers.

– How do you generally maintain your own opinion, without fear of offending love or showing pride?

– In a healthy family, everyone has their own opinion. There was such a case. A married couple who was on the verge of divorce came to see a psychologist. The psychologist asked the wife: “What do you want from your husband?” She replied: “I want him to be a real man.” Then he asked: “And if your husband’s opinion does not coincide with your opinion, what do you think he should do?” “He must agree with me,” the wife answered without a shadow of a doubt. It is not surprising that this family almost broke up.

In my opinion, there is nothing offensive in the fact that your opinion does not coincide with the opinion of your spouse. The best way out in this case is to give in to each other in turn (if, of course, we are talking about permissible things). But just beware of putting someone else's head on your shoulders - it will only get worse.

– How to overcome irritation?

-What irritates you? The first way is to change your attitude towards the situation. And the second is to behave as if we were not annoyed at all. And in any case, you need to ask God to find a way out. But first you need to understand what and why causes you irritation.

– They often say: everyday life is boring. What does this mean and how should it be overcome in the family?

– – Everyday life “sticks” in different ways. Some can barely make it to their next paycheck, while others don’t know where to go on vacation: Egypt, Cyprus or the Canary Islands. It is clear that such “congestion with everyday life” is overcome in different ways. But in any case, the words of the Savior remain valid that “a person’s life does not depend on the abundance of his possessions” (Luke 12:15). Let me try to explain: a poor person does not become poorer in soul from the difficulties and inconveniences that he experiences in life if his main goal is to become closer to God. Likewise, a rich person does not become worse for his wealth if he considers it as a means for serving God and his neighbor, and not as an end in itself. Therefore, everyday difficulties, whatever they may be, do not prevent us from living a spiritual life, but teach us to love God more than earthly comforts - those that we have or those that we want to have.

– If a person gets tired of pulling the burden of household chores, of which there are more and more, irritation and displeasure appear. There is no joy in the house, just routine. How to deal with this?

– If we are drowning in household chores, there is only one way out - organization. You don’t always like it, it’s not very pleasant. But by spending effort to put things in order in our affairs and in our lives, we gain more than we spend.

Modern life is such that everyone has to learn to be collected. Nowadays, this is an indispensable condition for success in any endeavor, both spiritual and everyday. This is a requirement of life.

For example, we have a small two-room apartment, but now that we have five children, it is more spacious than it was at first. Every thing has become more accessible. And the secret is very simple. We slowly threw out everything unnecessary and thought about what and how to rearrange it to make it more convenient. They bought some things, caring primarily not about the interior, but about functionality. Sometimes we made mistakes in choosing new furniture, sometimes we didn’t. Our funds are small, but it turned out that they are enough to make our life in this apartment easier in everyday terms than it was ten years ago. I’m not saying that we have become very organized, but we have become convinced that a lot can be done along this path.

– What if the husband spends twelve hours at work?

– The husband should still participate in the household. Of course, he can no longer fully control what happens at home. He arrives tired and for the first time after work cannot participate in household chores. Therefore, the wife's responsibility increases. If a wife wants to become a good housewife, she will become one. But the final responsibility still remains with the husband, as the head of the family. You can’t just demand, you also need to put your hand in. Not to his wife, of course, but to household chores.

– What should a wife do if she arrives even later than her husband?

– It doesn’t matter who comes earlier or later. Both participate in household chores, each to the best of their ability. Otherwise, both will have difficulties that they themselves will not be happy about. You can always change things for the better. If you don’t have the energy or time, lower the “bar” lower. But don’t remove it completely, otherwise there will definitely be no clearance.

– Where does the “sawing” of a husband/wife begin, and where does caring for him/her begin? If you don't say some things, they will never be done, because... no time and energy. But if you talk about them, you spoil the mood...

– Caring for one’s neighbor, based on love, and not on incontinence, knows how to find the right path to the goal. “Nawing” means repeating the same thing over and over again. And this is one of the surest ways to turn any person against yourself. Experience shows that husbands and wives who managed to influence their spouses looked for ways to interest and motivate the other half to action, and reward in this case works many times better than punishment.

Repeat to your husband 15 times in a row some ordinary request, for example: “Go to the store” or “Take out the bucket” - and for this time you will become unpleasant to him, even if he does not tell you about it. But pose the question differently, for example: “Let you go to the store, and I’ll clean up the house, and then we’ll go together to...” If your husband is interested in the purpose of your trip and at the same time understands that he won’t be able to dump his part of the work on you, - then, I guarantee, he will do it as quickly as possible.

– How to live with those you don’t love? If after some time a person realizes that he no longer loves his husband (wife), what should he do? Is it better to break up?

– A strong marriage is based on responsibility, on obligations, and not at all on the feeling of love. Someone said that a successful marriage is one that successfully overcomes one crisis after another and becomes stronger and more responsible as a result.

Responsibility helps to overcome difficulties. And feeling is a reward. To wake up in the morning with a feeling of love, you need to earn it, at least from the previous evening.

Why did the wife become unpleasant? This is the key question. We need to understand when and why it became unpleasant. There is no other way. As they say, spiritual warmth can only be returned through the doors through which we released it. Likewise, family relationships can only be restored from the point at which they began to collapse.

Those marriages in which spouses focus only on their feelings are doomed to collapse. The feeling of love, like any feeling, is changeable, and if spouses come together and diverge every time a new feeling visits them, we will have neither a family, nor a state, nor a society, but will be a sum of selfish and at the same time very unhappy individuals, unsuitable for any serious business.

Someone said it well that like everything else that is worth fighting for, marriage requires daily work and fulfillment of the obligations assumed by everyone. Then, over time, the feeling of love will grow.

– Suppose that after some time the beauty that the girl had disappeared.

– Beauty fades with time for everyone. But not all families collapse because of this. If people love each other, external beauty is not so important. And besides, the expression on a woman’s face is more important than its outline.

– What if my wife’s character began to change for the worse?..

– Why did her character deteriorate during her life with such a wonderful husband? Maybe he doesn't have an ideal character either? Then there is a reason to take care of your own “log”, and not about other people’s “straws”.

– But it happens that one spouse becomes unpleasant to the other...

“We need to understand why he became unpleasant.” This depends not only on the wife or husband, but also on the spouse himself who experiences this hostility. And let's not forget that marriage is a commitment that we take upon ourselves. Why don’t we marry people in a so-called civil marriage, that is, those who live together without being married? Because there is no moment of commitment, which exists in a legal marriage. I don't see any other difference. People want to enjoy the pleasant aspects without committing themselves to anything. Such cohabitation does not in any way correspond to the Christian concept of marriage. Marriage is a commitment. It is, of course, based on love. Without love there is no point in getting married. Therefore, before the wedding ceremony, the priest asks: “Do you have a good and spontaneous will and a strong thought to take as your wife such and such, whom you see here before you?” The man answers: “Yes.” And only after this the wedding ceremony itself begins. But by deciding to do this, we take on obligations to another person. Including the obligation to endure his infirmities. Let's remember this.

– Is it true that a wife can drive her husband to drunkenness with her constant criticism and “nawing”? Do some of the spouse’s vices sometimes really come from the eternal dissatisfaction of his half?

– Yes, many men began to drink out of stupidity and lack of love for their wives. The Holy Scriptures contain the following lines: “The husband of a wise woman is known at the gates of the city.” The most honorable citizens gathered at the city gates to resolve the most important issues. This was the ancient “city council”. And this is absolutely certain: a wise wife will find a way to help her husband develop his strengths. But if the wife nags her husband, endlessly points out his shortcomings, and he is not strong enough to cope with this, then he will begin to degrade. And then the wife will receive what she herself sowed. The husband will sit in front of the TV, drink beer, and the wife will cry that she has nothing to talk to him about.

– Why does everyone notice “let the woman fear”, but they don’t see about “like Christ the Church”?

– Because here everyone now knows how everyone else is obliged to work. By the way, not everyone notices the words “let the wife fear her husband.” For example, women rarely notice these words, although they are addressed specifically to them and not to men.

I have seen many women who complained about the unkind treatment of their husbands, but they themselves did not show any respect for them either in personal communication or in front of people. But the words husbands, love your wives as your bodies, as Christ is the Church, are addressed to husbands, but they are mainly noticed by wives. Apparently, it is easier to think about how others should act, rather than how one should act.

– About priorities in the family (from the mother’s point of view): who should you run to first – your tired husband after work or your crying child?

– When your husband comes home from work, be ready to greet him.

If the child suddenly starts crying, go to the child first. But if you do not show attention and interest in your husband returning from work, then he will return home without interest.

– Where is the line between how much time is devoted to the husband and the time devoted to the child? For example, a husband wants to structure his day in one way, and this goes against the child’s daily routine.

– Usually people who have lived together for several years and given birth to a child know exactly who needs to sleep when, and what will happen if the schedule is violated on some days. If difficulties arise here, then the point is not in the child, but in the fact that the spouses do not understand each other. It’s hard for me to imagine that my husband would demand to go for a walk if the children absolutely need to sleep at this time. And besides, it is difficult to imagine that such a walk would cause great harm to the child. But if this happens regularly, then you need to convey to your husband your vision of the problem and try to solve it together.

– So the child has priority in this situation?

– No, in this situation the priority should be adequate behavior. It also happens that a wife demands compliance with the regime from her husband, but she herself breaks it whenever she wants - to talk on the phone with her friends or sit in front of the TV. In this case, it would be, at the very least, absurd to quarrel with a husband who wanted to go for a walk with his family. And it would be dishonest to justify this quarrel with concern for the child’s regime.

– What if this is not an isolated case?

– What should a wife do if her husband demands fulfillment of all his whims? If these whims are truly harmful to children, they need to be protected. The husband is an adult, he is responsible for himself. And parents are responsible for their children. And if dad is not capable of this, then mom will be responsible for the children. I have already said that peace in the family is not the highest value, although it is dear. The highest value is our Christian duty. And it also means taking care of your children.

– What should spouses do if one of them suffers from computer addiction and completely goes into virtual reality?

– Usually, before a person leaves for any other reality, the spiritual, emotional connection between spouses is somehow undermined or weakened. It’s hard to imagine that people love each other, truly live in each other’s interests, and suddenly one of them completely goes into virtual reality. I know one family where there is such a problem, I know both spouses personally. My husband, coming home from work, can play computer games for several hours in a row. The same thing happens on weekends. But in this family there is no complete mutual understanding between the spouses on other issues. This incident convinced me that the problem of one of the family members leaving for virtual reality does not arise out of the blue. Maybe outwardly everything is fine in such families, but in reality people usually live with some different interests. And here the computer attracts the weakest. But if there was no deep community even before immersion in the virtual world, then isn’t it better to go back and try to understand why it wasn’t there and where it went?

“But there are times when even in quite prosperous families the husband sits for hours at the computer.

– If a person spends a lot of time at the computer, this does not mean that he has completely gone into virtual reality. The computer in general causes a slight addiction in almost every person who uses it. And the problem you are talking about occurs in almost every family where one of the members works with a computer. For example, this was the case in my family. I had to work on a computer when I was a deacon and wrote articles for the Radonezh newspaper, as well as my diploma thesis. And I remember well that it was difficult for me to tear myself away from work; I always wanted to place or design something differently. Then, when I became a priest, life turned out in such a way that for two years I did not use a computer at all. And now I work mostly early in the morning, when everyone is asleep, except when I have to do something very urgent. Work is work, sometimes for the sake of it you have to be distracted from household chores. But I think the old attachment to the computer has passed. So I can testify that it is surmountable.

– What if in a family where both spouses are believers, one of them spends a lot of time not at work, but in computer games?

– If it’s about games, you need to repent of such a hobby. And if a person addicted to gaming does not want to do this, it makes sense for someone else to turn to a qualified and, preferably, Orthodox psychologist who is familiar with the problem of “computer addiction.” I think a good specialist in this field will tell you how to help the injured family member, or at least how not to harm him even more.

– Question about marital relations in the post...

– This is a difficult question.

It’s one thing if one of the spouses is an unbeliever or, let’s say, unchurched. Everything is clear here: a person does not know what fasting is. And to demand that he observe marital fasting forcibly means subjecting him (and along with him, oneself) to tests, the consequences of which can be very disastrous. The Apostle writes: “Do not deviate from one another except by agreement” (1 Cor. 7:5). And with an unbelieving spouse, agreement on the issue of observing the marital fast is not easy to achieve.

But there is another side to the question: what if both spouses are believers and churchgoers, if both live a Christian spiritual life, confess and receive communion? And if they are already close to that “unanimity of souls and bodies” for which the Church prays in the Sacrament of Marriage, but one of them wanted to break the marital fast? The fact is that here agreement already exists in advance: both spouses agree that fasting must be observed in all respects. Against this background, the desire of one of them to break the fast looks like a whim, or a temptation. In this case, is it necessary to go after him? Ideally, no. In my opinion, if both spouses are already living a church life, the refusal of one of them to join the marital relationship during Lent will serve the common good, and the other half will subsequently only be grateful for this.

However, in real life, not everything is as simple as we would like. Therefore, there are no and cannot be universal rules about observing or breaking marital fasting. And if the issue of marital relations during Lent concerns you, discuss it with an experienced confessor whose opinion you trust - I think he will give you good advice on what to do in your particular situation.

– A question asked by our readers about the distribution of family and social responsibilities in the family: “Since I consider myself an independent person, I’m not sure that I can avoid encroaching on my husband’s “area of ​​responsibility.” That is, the line between men’s and women’s duties and responsibilities is not entirely perceptible to me.”

– Usually independent people respect independence in others. Recently, one Hollywood actress got married, choosing the date of July 4th - Independence Day. She explained her choice this way: “I’m tired of my independence from men.” So, despite all our independence, we have a need for someone who is higher than us. Not necessarily much smarter, not necessarily stronger in everything, but the first is before us, and we become second after him. For a woman, such a person is her husband. (The attitude of a man towards his wife is based on other principles - there should be no equality in this.) Those women who demand that their husbands do what they, their wives, want, act extremely stupidly. They are robbing themselves. Share your areas of responsibility with your husband and help each other, not forgetting which of you is “first among equals” and who is “second among equals.”

– The question of the need for work for a wife: on the one hand, family is the main thing, on the other hand, there is a danger of being “out of tune,” becoming lazy, ceasing to be interesting to the children, husband, and respected by them.

– And still, family should be more important than work for a woman. If you have an internal need for work and at the same time have time, find a job. But remember that no one can replace a mother in the family - neither a nanny nor a grandmother. So let your work or any other business be subject to the general flow of your family's life.

– Another question from readers, a painful question for many Russian women: how to remain sweet, feminine, weak, if the position of the “weaker sex” in the family is taken by the husband? Many women have to support their family both morally and financially.

– You are the first (and last) who can help your husband take the position of the stronger sex. By the way, not all women sincerely strive to be cute, feminine and weak. Another woman “will stop an elephant in its tracks and tear off its trunk.” And after that she will sigh that she is not allowed to be sweet and feminine.

If the husband took the position of the “weaker sex,” then the woman, or maybe two women, is to blame. One of them is your mother-in-law, and the other is you. Moreover, the wife’s fault is usually greater than the husband’s mother’s fault.

It has been noticed that a man who fails to “defeat” his domineering and stubborn wife degrades. This degradation can take many forms. The softest is indecision, fear of somehow angering Her Majesty the Wife.

Of course he won't make any decisions. After all, if he tries to do this, inevitable trouble awaits him. But he will not implement your decisions as his own. Therefore, sitting in front of the TV with a bottle of beer or with a cat on his lap - no one helped him find himself in something else.

But if you have never tried to get the better of your husband and another woman is to blame - his mother - then help him get out of the “hole” in which he finds himself. Push him to make his own small decision in any matter - albeit not as wise as yours, but still kind. Help him implement this decision: support him in the middle of the journey and reward him when everything is done. And if he turns out to be a capable student, then one day let him go forward to his rightful place.

– What to do in such a situation: the wife clearly sees that she is giving her husband the right advice, but he wants to do things his own way and does not understand that his wife is offering the right way out of the current situation?

– Everyone has the right to learn from their own mistakes. In addition, we are not always as right as we ourselves think. So show respect to your husband even where you think he is wrong. Respectfully tell him that you disagree with him and respect his decision. According to the apostle: “Christ is the head of the Church, and the head of the wife is the husband.”

I think that first of all a Christian family should be happy. This does not mean that we should indulge each other in everything. But if a Christian family is a picture of an unhappy combination of two or four people, then every unbeliever or half-believer, looking at it, will say: Well, if that is all that God can do!.. Or even worse: If God’s intrusion into the relationship of two brings such fruits to people, then it’s better without Him... And it seems to me (I’m not talking about all happiness, not about harmony in evil, but about a serious attitude) that at the center of the family there should be love, there should be joy, and not constant torment in the name of some ideal, often fictitious. Often the Christian family could be the most convincing argument that when God comes into some setting, comes to some group of people. He brings something that is nowhere to be found, and that can be called happiness, not brokenness. I therefore speak of happiness as the first and very important condition. Happiness, of course, must be morally consistent, that is, there must be truly Christian love between husband and wife; and when I say “Christian,” I’m not saying something exotic and strange, but simply that attitude in which a person honors, loves, considers another, believes that he or she (this applies to both) will gladly sacrifice something desired for the sake of another; that children are also brought up in truth, in love, that they try to instill in them that goodness brings joy, and not just effort, etc. It seems to me that a happy family is convincing proof that, if God came into the human situation, it can blossom in a way that no other can. Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh. Man before God. M.: Pilgrim, 2000

www.pravmir.ru

Why can God not give a husband? I live alone, I have never had a relationship, there has never been mutual love, just not mutual.

Why can God not give a husband? I live alone, I have never had a relationship, mutual love too, but not mutual, no one has ever courted me, there is emptiness inside, it seems that I will never have a family. Why is it so, God gives this happiness to some early and simply, but to others not. I pray, I try to change, but despondency takes away my hope, does God want me to live alone? But I understand that I don’t want this, even those who don’t believe in God live as they want, God gives a family. Thank you Seriously, I'm not an expert on love issues. There is no need to blame God, as if He has a warehouse with suitors, and He gives to some and not to others. Look at your lifestyle. It is quite possible that you lead a lifestyle in which it is impossible to meet anyone. If, for example, you sit at home all the time and are depressed, then it will be very difficult to meet anyone. Will God really zombify some man and send him to your apartment with a bouquet of flowers? It is clear that I know absolutely nothing about you and your lifestyle. But generally speaking, I would start with this. Join a club for mountain climbers, chess players, parachutists, gardeners, astronomers, literature lovers, etc., etc. - communicate with interesting people in an interesting environment. God help you!

Category: Answers from priests to questions | Posted by: Orthodoxy (10/20/2016) |

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Many girls, after multiple meetings and partings, ask themselves in despair: “Why doesn’t God give me a husband? What am I doing wrong? I go to church every Sunday, keep fasts, and pray.” Actually, why is God obliged to give a husband? Women are emotional beings. They think that a sacred marriage is created in heaven, so they devote their entire lives to waiting for an imaginary prince, not noticing the ordinary earthly men next to them who could become good partners.

Church view on celibacy

Young girls, beautiful and successful, but unable to improve their personal lives, begin to blame their failures on God or the so-called crown of celibacy. Supposedly imposed by an evil witch, the crown of celibacy dooms the beautiful maiden to loneliness. But even experienced psychics claim that if such a phenomenon exists, it is a very rare case. Rather, the girl herself creates a negative program, attracting a certain type of man who is unable to make her happy.

What do priests say about the crown of celibacy? They think he doesn't exist. After all, neither Jesus nor the apostles prayed for the removal of the “crowns” because they did not know about them. Modern Christian denominations consider this a prejudice. Many married people suffer from a drunken spouse, while others are childless or have a sick child, and this does not mean that they are cursed. The clergy believe that it is necessary to pray to God and communicate with him, because only then is the Lord able to restore people’s lives.

Karmic reasons

Fatal bad luck with men makes many girls think about why God does not give them happiness in their personal lives. It is believed that loneliness is influenced by karma, so in this incarnation we work off the karmic debts of the previous incarnation. For example, in a past life, someone rudely rejected attempts at a normal relationship, and someone raised the bar of requirements for a future husband high, thereby stopping all efforts to get married successfully.

In this incarnation, fate gives you a chance to correct the mistakes of the past by changing your behavior, and if a woman continues to behave this way, she will be lonely. Failures in personal life are sent by God so that a person dives deeper into self-knowledge and analyzes his life. And also to try to change himself, directing his evolution on the path to Infinity in the right direction.

Some esotericists believe that only a woman who scans the karma of her family can answer the question of why God does not give a husband for a long time. It is believed that a person’s success is affected by ancestral karma, and if it is unfavorable, then the entire family has to pay for it, overcoming misfortunes and loneliness. But many experts do not agree with this opinion, because from the same family can come successful and unsuccessful, potential murderers, lawbreakers and priests, happy in family life and pathological loners. Most likely, loneliness is:

• internal subconscious need of a person;
• internal psychological conflicts;
• negative attitudes of parents or society.

Psychological reasons

A girl often does not have a husband, not because God does not give him one, but because of her own psychological attitudes towards loneliness. Let's look at these internal settings:

1. There is no need for a husband. This is a certain form of self-sufficiency when a person feels great even without the so-called other half. This is either a conscious or subconscious attitude, when a woman is essentially an introvert, and it is difficult for her to share her comfortable inner world with another person.
2. Finding the ideal husband. In this situation, there is no point in being offended by God, because the girl sees only shortcomings in every man who comes her way. Often this is the attitude of overly loving parents, who claimed that “he is not a match for you” or “he is not worthy of you.” So the woman waits for her prince until retirement, every year making more and more demands on the opposite sex.
3. I need a husband-sponsor. A certain category of girls considers only rich men as their future husbands, but, as a rule, they themselves do not reach the level of successful people either in terms of level or education. So such a beauty only dates the rich once, and her status as a wife does not suit them. There are two ways out: either find a husband from your circle, or become successful yourself so that your partner is on the same level.
4. Bad experience. Loneliness in marriage is also present, so it is not necessary that if God gives a husband, then the marriage will be successful. Often, after one or two divorces, women simply become disillusioned with relationships, setting themselves up to spend the rest of their lives in quiet solitude.
5. I’m not ready to give my husband love. Not every woman is ready to give love to a man, despite God and his commandments, and the stronger half avoids it, subconsciously feeling coldness. And God has nothing to do with it. You need to learn to love, give warmth, only then a miracle will happen: the chosen one will feel it and appear on the horizon.

Energy reasons

In fact, loneliness is not a problem or suffering, but a need, a person’s choice, and this is normal. It is not normal when feelings of loneliness lead to stress or illness. But why does the absence of a husband make girls suffer? Let's see, here are the main reasons:

• Low energy tone, when there is no strength to create a family, for active communication, but you want to hide in a small hole so that no one gets hurt, and God must bring your husband into this hole.
• A person is constantly offended, jealous, demanding, which pushes away people of the opposite sex. Such behavior destroys emotional ties for a long time, and in addition, God does not support such women.
• A narcissistic woman who shows with all her behavior that she doesn’t need anyone. She has many empty novels and affairs with men, whom she changes like gloves and leaves without regret. She thinks that God will give her the next man better than the previous one, but all to no avail, hence the stress and psychological illnesses.

Magical reasons

If God does not give a woman a husband for a long time, she begins to think about damage or the evil eye. But really, it’s so easy to remove the problem from yourself and blame it on others. But do spells for failure in your personal life really exist? Damage is when a person’s energy protection is broken through, and a certain negative message is inserted into the hole. If a woman is physically and psychologically healthy, then she has high energy, so it is very difficult to break her with the evil eye on the street or an envious woman at work.

But if this happens, you need to find a psychic who “sees” the subtle bodies, who, after diagnosis, will determine whether there are holes in the energy body or not. If damage or the evil eye is at the level of the chakra responsible for sexuality, then there was a “black” message of loneliness, which can be removed either by spells or independently, strengthening one’s energy. And what do experts think about this - psychics and parapsychologists - erase in the video:

"If they don't marry..."

In surveys about love - what could be more difficult and interesting? Even those who have met a loved one in life have questions. Those who haven't met have even more questions. Here are just a few of them. Who asks them? A girl who was never bored alone, but who finally grew up and thought about whether she would continue to live alone, and if not, then how and where to look for that loved one with whom she would begin a new life in her own happy family? Of course, you have your own uncertainties and concerns, and perhaps some of your questions coincide with mine. In any case, it becomes easier if there is someone to ask them.

Some say: “You have to hope and wait, love will come.” Others say: “We should not expect favors from nature. Love must be sought and won! Do it! You can!" And in the middle you stand and look, as if into a well, into the unknown. Where is he - the person with whom love, children, happiness will come, with whom it will be warm and reliable all his life? Unknown. Will he ever come or is it useless to wait for him? Unknown. Is it my fault that there is still no love? How to figure this out?

There is an Eastern proverb: when the student is ready, the teacher comes. It is appropriate for many life situations, including the issue of marriage. The desire to get married is nothing more than the desire to be happy, to be fulfilled as a mother, to live in spiritual warmth and comfort, to give your love. You must first cultivate in yourself the correct attitude towards marriage and, according to this tuning fork of correct thoughts, tune your inner world, your soul. It makes sense to take care of yourself, become better, so that your potential husband is as happy as possible, and leave the rest to the will of God. It may happen that the Lord has other thoughts about you, a different lot is prepared for you. This will be evident from the circumstances of life, and you will have to come to terms with it. But if your lot is common and God has provided a husband for you, but you still cannot arrange your personal life, then perhaps it is because you are not ready.

I agree that it’s hard to wait, and the uncertainty is tormenting. But this is something inevitable, so please accept my sympathy and sincere participation. This is the lot of all the daughters of Eve.

Everyone around you is getting married, but you are not. Parents’ questions are added to internal questions: “Will we ever have grandchildren or not?” Acquaintances: “Well, how are you? How is your personal life? Let's tell!" Classmates: “So you haven’t met anyone? Well, yes, of course, you don’t need to be with just anyone...” They either respect you or feel sorry for you. You yourself know that time, as they say, passes, and with your either inability or reluctance to get married, you confuse your friends and become somehow “inconvenient.” So you walk alone, as if no one chose you, barren fig tree. This means there is something wrong with you, and they (men) feel it! Is it true that I am this very fig tree and God does not want anyone to be born from me?

You are not a “barren fig tree.” I believe that since the most sacred desire for a woman - to give birth - was born in your heart, then the Lord of the world and the Master of our life will give you the opportunity to realize this desire. Don't eat yourself up and try to establish an internal distance between yourself and the army of compassionate well-wishers. All these people who like to groan and click their tongues actually only poison the soul and add to the suffering. Just ignore it. Everyone has their own life and their own cross, so everyone has their own worries.

You need to pray that God will show you your chosen one (chosen one), but how to pray about this? What if God doesn’t want me to have a family? What if I'm not cut out for a family or if God has some other calling for me? Or should you pray for what you want anyway?

Fervent prayer tests the degree of desire. It happens that you pray for a long time and come to an internal question: do I need it? This means that through prayer you have discovered a depth within yourself at which the need has disappeared. If such a desire does not disappear, then it really is a need of your whole life. Continue to pester the Lord like that evangelical widow (Luke 18:2–5) and do not forget to end the prayer with the words: “not as I want, but as You want.”

Let's say you met and something arose between you that makes you want to run through the streets with armfuls of flowers, smile at the store clerks, help the elderly and children. What do Christians do in this situation? Can a Christian allow himself to simply fall in love? Or is this too frivolous?

Kuraev often quotes, as he says, the theologian Winnie the Pooh. I dare to quote Tortilla Turtle:

Young friend, always be young...
...Cry and laugh at random.
I was like that myself
Three hundred years ago.

Hold hands, kiss for good measure, do not cross certain boundaries that not only threaten premature pregnancy, but also simply corrupt a person. I agree, the question is subtle and eludes a clear definition. But you can try to find space for natural tenderness that does not turn into sin.

Fornication is condemned for the fact that it is fornication. No one really explains what its danger is: why do we absolutely need to get married, start a family and give birth, give birth, give birth to children, instead of living “like this” for a while and understanding whether we are good together or not? After all, it’s better to figure it out right away than to make a vow to be together all your life and then break up?

Love is considered the most beautiful thing on earth, but the love of a Christian seems to impose more obligations on him than it gives pleasure. So, love is also hard work? Why start a family if it is not joy, but hopeless work?

Firstly, joy and work cannot be opposed. Work and labor are also synonyms for joy. Believe that the Christian ideal present in your soul will not prevent you from living the fullness of your marital relationship and experiencing its exceptional joy. Of course, marriage not only inspires, but also burdens; not only gives rights, but also obliges. But since all this is holy, it is not difficult and is not alien to joy.

The love of Romeo and Juliet - romantic love - is nothing for a Christian? How does the Church relate to what is called romance?

We suffer greatly from the disappearance of romantic relationships, from the accessibility and openness of the female body to the whole world, from an early awareness of the secrets of gender, from the cynicism and mundaneness that people become infected with even at the age of beardless young men. One of the writers, I think Flaubert, said that the longer a woman is desired, the longer the courtship lasts, the longer and more strongly she is loved in marriage. The alternative to romanticism is, unfortunately, only that realism, which in practice turns out to be cynicism. Therefore, I am for a romantic renaissance in relationships between a man and a woman.

P.S. Since the questions came from the beautiful half of humanity, I want to say goodbye: dear unmarried girls, do not be discouraged and do not be sad. Think of marriage as your sacred mission and prepare for it by being purified and sanctified by the Christian life and equipped with all the useful skills of life. Pray earnestly to God. You will have husbands and children. Chin up! And may the blessing of the Lord be upon you.