There are no family situations that cannot be corrected. There are wrong steps and wrong conclusions. At such moments, the help of a psychologist is very important and useful, who will not only explain what is happening in family life, but also tell you how to make it happy. We turned to such a psychologist with the question: how to avoid divorce?
Tatyana Lobanova is a family consultant, Ph.D., a certified imago-therapist, head of the Center for Resource Practices "ARTeFACT", as well as a speaker of the "Week of Absolute Happiness" on the website.
Love must be felt
When a couple passes the "pink period", and after it - the first time of a rainbow life together, a measured family life begins and the old beautiful relationship ends. The question is what will replace them.
As a rule, this is a stage of a power struggle in a pair. Here the roles of the spouses are determined, who is responsible for what, who decides and implements what, whose opinion is the main thing. And these roles are usually not accepted voluntarily, the struggle can drag on for years, or even for a lifetime. I am often asked: how to preserve the beauty of a relationship?
One technique to help translate the surge of hormonal love into a stable marriage relationship that guarantees respect, friendship, reliability, security is the practice of stroking and gratitude. If you want to keep the beauty of the relationship - gently take your partner's hand, gently stroke the head, touchingly hug it by the shoulders, rest your head on your shoulder. Such constant bodily contacts between lovers are natural in the hormonal period, but, unfortunately, they begin to pass after a year of living together. And the second point - it is very important to emotionally express gratitude. No need to dissemble or play. Just pay attention to caring for you, don't take it for granted and talk about it. On the one hand, it is very simple to behave, on the other, it is incredibly difficult. We are not trained to speak good words. For some reason, we thank a loved one for lunch, perfume, bag, phone (this must be done), but we do not say many more important things. For example: "I am so glad that I am with you", "it is so important for me to know that you support me", "if I had to get married (get married), I would choose you again."
These words can be addressed to both a man and a woman. They seem to be about nothing. Just talking about your own feelings about your spouse. But it is they that give a feeling of stability and reliability of the relationship.
Each quarrel, tension raises concerns and the question: how strong is our union? And the family, first of all, should give a person a sense of security. I talked about one little technique, but believe me, it is magical and solves a lot of problems in marriage.
mylubov.ru Let's never quarrel ...
In principle, this is possible in adulthood, when people have learned to control their emotions. But newlyweds are unlikely to be able to avoid quarrels. To minimize them, you need to speak out all the feelings that have arisen between the spouses. It is much easier to dot the i's than to suffer from the unknown. A successful, stable and safe marriage is based on the spouses' habit of discussing everything and their ability to negotiate - this is the basic platform for maintaining a long-term relationship, and reading other people's thoughts is a thankless task. "Oh, why isn't my husband looking at me today?" Or: "Why did my wife stay at work longer than usual?" You can think of something like that! And the pent-up emotions will come out in a completely different, perhaps completely trivial matter. But this emotional outburst will be the result of the accumulated misunderstanding of the partner's actions. The red light of danger is on, and our psyche will try to defuse the situation. And now, it would seem, nothing happened, and tears rush out and hurtful words themselves fly off the tongue. Therefore, the articulation of your expectations, feelings, desires is one of the elementary truths that leads to strong, long-term, prosperous relationships. But this should be done briefly, when the partner is ready to listen to you, and not turn such a conversation into a many hours of listing claims.
Causal relationship
Are there universal ways how to keep a partner from divorce and make sure that he does not start love on the side? I would say there is. These methods are hidden in one of my favorite words - awareness. You will gain stability in a relationship as soon as you stop seeing marriage as purely pleasure and understand: this is everyday work, work that requires awareness in words and actions. But the result is worth it! It must be remembered that your emotional reactions, as a rule, are followed by the same stressful and emotional consequences. If you throw some kind of accusation at your partner, you will certainly get the ball in your half of the field, or the other person will stop talking to you. Therefore, you must be very clearly aware that the meaning of any word you say is not to drain your emotions, but to get a result. What do I need to do? It is correct to ask yourself the question: "What do I want to achieve as a result?"
images.unian.net No need to say irritably: "You are always busy and do not help me around the house." The point of such a reproach is to spoil the relationship. Your goal should be to fulfill your request. So, say this: "I would be pleased if you could help me wash the dishes today when you finish your business." Stop wanting to drain your anger, remember about awareness - communication should always be built in such a way as to achieve the desired goal - in this case, get the dishes washed.
Even when you are in a state of passion, only awareness will help you. It is quite difficult for young people to enter this mode of communication, but, like any skill, it can be trained. Pushing up on the floor twenty times at once is also difficult, I'm not talking about fifty, but if you set a goal for yourself, you will achieve a result in a couple of months. Just like muscles, you can build the skill of low-conflict, non-provocative communication. And this emotional "muscle" will allow you to remove unwanted reactions. The physiologist Pavlov also said that a person differs from an animal in that he has a pause between the stimulus and the reaction. That's what you need to catch. Let the pause last a few seconds, use them in the best possible way - formulate your request so that it becomes clear: the person who is in front of you is valuable to you, and you are not responding to a momentary situation, but showing that you are going to live your life with this person. Be sure that your anger will pass, and the words spoken in the heat of the moment may remain, do not allow this, take care of yourself and your loved one.
The illusion of finding half
Now there are a lot of divorces also because dating and sexual relations have become very accessible. Many people reason like this: “Well, this person did not suit me, I’ll find another better, this one is also not the same, I’ll find the next one - he will be better”. This is a great illusion, I tell you. As a consulting family therapist, I have an infinite number of times faced with situations (for some reason, men have been talking about this topic more often) when a person says: “I got divorced three times and realized that I had to live with my first wife, she is the best.”
If you understand that marital relations require daily work, just like keeping yourself in good shape, as achieving professional growth, developing creative abilities, you will evaluate them differently. Let it sound unromantic and boring, but there is no getting away from it, otherwise you can skip your whole life in search of your “half” and be left with nothing.
I believe in the existence of second halves, but only as a romantic legend. In a professional sense, it carries a completely different meaning. These halves are not the people who were once separated, but now their souls have found each other, united and live happily ever after. The halves are people who endured the same in childhood psychological trauma.
oboi-na-stol.com But at the same time, they developed strictly opposite ways of adapting to them. Let me explain with an example. Let's imagine two families: with a boy and a girl. One family has very busy parents who devote little time to their children. Even when issued free time, they are surfing the internet. If a mother does not work, she takes care of herself and her interests, that is, she is physically present, but emotionally far away. Such parents distancing themselves from the child cause him to need to do something about it, because every baby has a need to be in constant emotional, physical and mental contact with parents. What does the baby do? If he is active, he will begin to pester and whine: "Mom, well, mom ...". Words like “go away, I'm busy” will only spur an active child, and he will begin to demand constant attention to himself. If it is not received, as a rule, it begins to attract negative attention: bad behavior, frequent illnesses. He will even deliberately raise the temperature. Having received what he wants as a result, the child will acquire an unconscious, unconditioned reflex of attracting attention. From diatheses, ODS, he will not crawl out for years.
Now let's look at another family with exactly the same disproportion in attention to the child. Here, the mother constantly monitors the baby. There are families where many things are prohibited - do not run, do not play, sit still, do not take ... This control gives rise to the desire to break out of the clutches. Such a child will try to retire, do something of his own, not to be seen by adults. As a result, we have two families where psychological trauma occurred at the stage of receiving attention. In one he was not given, in the other - they were overfed. And now two people with such basic injuries have grown up. One in life will constantly strive to get the missing attention, demanding it from everyone around. Having created a family, he will pester with annoying questions: what, where, when, with whom of the close people happened. A favorite question of such people: "Why are you silent, what are you thinking?" Or: "Why didn't you call me today, didn't send a single text message?" He will strive for constant control, obeying the desire to penetrate the partner's head.
The second child who has grown up, on the contrary, does not know how to organize joint leisure, is accustomed to loneliness. Having met a person with opposite qualities - contact, attentive, surrounding with attention, warm, constantly inventing something, he will be simply happy. For him, the opposite person is very convenient: he expresses his interest, is not indifferent to every little thing. And the first is also fine with a case man - he agrees to everything, does not argue, does not have his own plan of action. Both are happy - the two halves have found each other. They could not help but meet, because they are interesting to each other. Everything goes great at first. But as soon as they unite on a common territory, each toughens his position. And "the man in the case" suddenly finds himself in little place in the relationship, he stops liking that he is constantly being patronized, pulled, called for contacts, he needs personal space - to sit alone at home, think about something of his own, do something in silence ... These desires cause anxious feelings in the second half, and the questions begin: “Why are you sitting and silent, why are you not reacting to me in any way? Oh, horror, horror. " The “man in the case” also has anxiety - he does not like attempts to get it. He becomes stuffy, cramped, he seeks to escape and perceives everything that happens as an encroachment on personal space. It would seem that the two halves found each other and made a whole - each had an extreme position in terms of attention, when they folded and divided in half, they were in balance, a couple appeared. But the ending is exactly the same as in other relationships - as soon as the period of falling in love passed and people moved into a common space to live together, the childhood trauma immediately worsened. All falling in love is based on the fact that there are people with the opposite style of behavior in the painful zone. A silent person is comfortable with a talkative person, and vice versa. But when they unite, the claims will begin. That for which they fell in love with each other begins to annoy them.
How can such marriages be preserved? It is necessary to bring the positions closer together. Each must get out of his extreme position and take a few steps towards the other - this is the only way the couple can achieve balance. How to do it? I chatter endlessly, and my partner is silent all the time - which means we need to balance our positions: I should stop talking so much, and listen more, and he should stop being silent and start talking.
Wife or mistress?
Often men get themselves into new relationships, which their wives are not even aware of, but at the same time carefully preserve the marriage. Maybe now I will say things that are unpleasant to realize, but men are polygamous and their species task is male. Therefore, they always have a reaction to a new picture. But we differ from primates in that we have brakes. If marriage is significant for a man, he will not destroy it and will live in the family all his life. I will not argue that he will never want to make new appointments, but they either will not be realized, or they will not be relationships - just sexual contacts. A valuable marriage depends on both partners. A woman is of great importance in marriage, when the partner invested a lot in her, lived with her events that brought them very close, aroused gratitude and there was a fear of losing this relationship.
When a man does not value his family, he will seek real relationships. Here you need to understand that for a man, sex and relationships are different things that may not be related to each other. A woman's relationship is necessarily tied to the emotional sphere. It is very difficult for her to get pleasure in sex without feeling trust, warmth, interest in a partner, if not impossible. For a man, this is a physiological act. He may not receive any emotions in sex, only physical pleasure.
How to secure your marriage?
The question is individual. First of all, you need to think about what in me my man values most? If my mind and career - I will move in this direction, if it is important for him how I look - I will go to the gym, if he likes comfort and tranquility, we will create his dream house ... Banal advice that you do not need to go home in a dressing gown and slippers, I do not like. Such generalizations are wrong. All people are different, and everyone needs their own.
favim.com Jealous means he loves
This is also a common, blurred concept. Of course, if a person gives reasons and there is no trust in him, jealousy in the family will always be present. There is a basic fear of losing a relationship, a feeling of instability, unreliable marriage. The partner experiences anxiety, which can be called jealousy. It is often false.
Test yourself. Ask yourself the question: you are generally an anxious person in life, do you worry about anything beyond measure? For example: “did I turn off the gas when leaving the house, am I worried when a new boss comes, am I worried before going to my mother-in-law?”.
If the answers are positive, honestly admit to yourself: you are an extremely anxious person, you are in a constant process of experiencing, and in family relationships that are overvalued for you, you live with an eternal feeling of fear of losing them. Now think about it: do you have any specific facts or did you just make them up for yourself? And the danger signal will disappear. You need to deal with your fears.
Husband is hung up on the Internet
Is it worth worrying if a man spends a lot of time on social media? At least you need to think about it - this is one of the signals that you have nothing to do together, you do not go anywhere together, you do not have mutual topics for conversation or study. This is not a good factor. But in terms of reasons for jealousy, social networks are safe enough. Often, men make friends with the same interests on the Internet.
Be sure to look on the website, what is attractive about such a girlfriend for your partner. If both are fond of photography, and you are not, it is clear why they are communicating. Both are cyclists, and you are not, it is also clear that they are attracted to each other. Calm down and don't jump to conclusions. People should have their own personal spaces. The husband is fond of football, and you will do what is interesting to you - sign up for a drawing studio.
But when you feel that the family has arisen internal problems and the partner is looking for a way out of them in correspondence with a friend from the Internet, then think deeply: mutual interests can lead to rapprochement of these friends, and it is not known what the consequences will be. Which exit? You can, of course, go cycling, if it does not contradict your physical data. Or go to the cycle track and cheer for your husband. But I would advise you to investigate the problem more deeply - what is the partner lacking, what is he looking for in social networks? Maybe the ease of communication, carelessness. So, we need to look for some easy, joyful joint activities outside the home. When you find ways to solve family problems, everything will be all right.
Husband is on fire
I’ll say right away - you don’t have to be an appendage to a man. I, as a very busy person, who endlessly goes somewhere, flies, is passionate about my work, I do not understand women who complain about their husbands who spend 24 hours at work. The bored wives of rich people amaze me. A husband who says in such a situation: “Why are you waiting for me, what, you have nothing to do?” Will be right. We must accept the situation - I live with a man who works hard and is very busy. I am always amazed at the stereotyped directorial-script "finds" that have become an indispensable attribute of movie heroines, namely, hysteria to her man, who does not pay enough attention to her. "You are never at home!" She screams. Although it was well known before the wedding how this man lives. I understand that cinema is full of cliches, but, unfortunately, such claims to a partner's employment are not uncommon in life. They arise from immaturity, infantilism: "Mom, dad, ay, where are you?" You need to grow yourself up to an adult who is able to occupy himself. It is very important to take place and be satisfied with your achievements in life.
yesale.ru Family with a plus sign
I can immediately distinguish a strong family from one that is on the verge of breaking up. Moreover, I even see it from the behavior of one of the partners. When a person is in a stable family relationship, he is bodily plastic. Anxiety and pain points are necessarily reflected not only in facial expressions, gestures - in the entire muscle structure. Pay attention to how the partners behave in the company, and definitely determine whether they are happy in family life or not. If one of them, telling something to the public, constantly glances at the other, then their marriage is stable. This is especially clearly seen during laughter - they will definitely look at each other. Partners who are in close relationships tend to sit next to each other, to touch. Even if such spouses are put in different corners, they will constantly look at each other all the time. When partners, being in the same company, ignore each other - there is a reason to think.
To visit my husband
Let's touch on this topic as well. The institution of guest marriage, widespread in countries with a high economic level, is slowly emerging in our country too. If a woman is a mature person, she can support herself, raise children on her own, she does not have to find a permanent partner, share her life with him. Such a woman will not hold on to anyone.
In our country, guest marriages usually begin when the first, second and third marriages have broken up, children are raised and you just want a good, warm, emotional and sexual communication, a joint rest. Such couples take turns meeting on weekends on the territory of one partner, then on the other, and they spend their holidays together. In my opinion, this kind of relationship is much better than being alone or looking for some chance encounters. If people value each other, give positive emotions, that's great.
Never stop courting a woman. Never take it for granted. When you proposed to her, you promised to be the person who would desperately protect her heart. This is the most important and sacred treasure you have ever been trusted. She chose you. Never forget this and remember that love abhors laziness.
Take care of your heart. As you promised to protect your beloved, guard your own world with the same vigilance. Love yourself completely, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one should be allowed, except for your wife. May this space be always ready to receive her.
Fall in love again and again and again. Everything is constantly changing in this world. You are not what you were when you first got married, and in five years everything will be different. Your perception of each other will also change. But remember one thing: she doesn't have to stay with you. If you do not care about her heart, she is free to give it to someone else, and then you will not return it back. Conquer it over and over again. Every time, like the first.
Try to see the best. Focus on what you love about your woman. What we focus on tends to grow. If you are fixated on mistakes, you will see them all over the place. If you shift your focus to what you like, then after a while you will realize that you have married the most beautiful woman in the world.
Don't try to change it. Your task is to love a woman as she is, without hopes and expectations. And, if she does change, love her all the same, whether you like it or not.
Take responsibility for your own emotions. Your wife does not have to make you happy, just as she cannot make you unhappy. You yourself are responsible for your positive attitude, and then this joy will penetrate into your relationship.
If you are upset or angry, never blame your wife. This is what is happening within you, this is your emotions and your responsibility.
Let your woman just be. When a woman is upset, don't try to fix it. Your job is to just hug and let her know that it's okay. Let her know that you are hearing her, that she means a lot to you, and that you are someone she can always lean on. Feminine nature is changeable and impetuous, emotions, like a storm, intensify, and then subside. And if you remain steadfast and strong in this storm, she will be able to trust you.
Don't be afraid to look stupid. Don't take yourself too seriously. Laugh. And make your wife laugh. Laughter softens any situation.
Make her feel like a queen. Learn all kinds of love languages together. Ask her to list 10 things that will help her feel loved and wanted.
Be here now. Give your woman not only time, but also your attention and your soul. Do your best to get everything out of your head in order to be 100% with her. Treat her like your most valuable customer.
Get ready to embrace her sexuality. Let her dissolve into her feminine essence. Let her know that she can trust you completely.
Don't be an idiot. And don't be afraid to seem like that. We are all human, we all tend to be wrong, and your woman too. Make mistakes, but only learn from your mistakes.
Give your woman space. The dedication of women is enviable. But sometimes they need to be reminded that taking care of themselves isn't a bad thing either. Sometimes they will need to fly off your branches in search of something that can give them strength. And, if you give them such freedom, they will return to sing you their new songs.
Grow and develop together. Malaria breeds in the stagnant pond, and the stormy stream is always fresh and cool. When your muscles stop working, they atrophy. The same thing happens with relationships. Find common goals, dreams and move together in their direction.
Don't get hung up on money. Money is a game. Arrange everything so that it is a team game, and you do not have to fight each other. Then everyone will be the winner.
Learn to forgive. Focus on the future, not the past. Don't let your story hold you hostage. Past mistakes, whether yours or yours, are like a heavy anchor that will hinder any forward movement. Forgiveness is freedom.
Always choose love. Always choose love. Always choose love. At the end of the day, this is the only advice you really need. If love is the guiding principle on which all your decisions are built, then nothing will threaten your marriage. Love always wins.
SHARED
10 tips to save your marriage. Sometimes in family relationships a crisis comes, but if a person with whom you have been married for a long time is dear to you, if you have children together, it makes sense to avoid divorce in order to save the marriage and improve family relations.
How can a marriage be saved?
It doesn't matter who first spoke about the divorce, or whether the word “divorce” was even spoken aloud. But at some point, you suddenly acutely, almost physically felt that you continued to coexist relatively peacefully on common square meters, avoiding being alone. In any case, it was no longer a family.
Separation can make you look at things differently, change your value system, and better understand yourself and your actions. And if the desire comes to save the marriage, and return all the good things that united you, then the desire to restore the family should be mutual. Judge for yourself what kind of union we can talk about if the ex-spouse recalls with horror last years family life?
If it was not an egocentric impulse: "Return my property!" And together with him, discuss the factors on which the future depends, as well as find out what you expect from the new "old" relationship.
A common goal for family life
Define a goal that will unite you. It may be the desire to have stable, harmonious relationship, a certain social status, the intention to give a good education to children, to live in an ecological settlement on the seashore, etc.
There can be several goals: one global and two or three short-term. For example, the global goal is to have a friendly large family, short-term goals are to spend a vacation together, move to new apartment, get a dog.
It is very important that the goals are truly general and honest. By designating them, you seem to be placing beacons that will help you move in the right direction and determine how close you are.
Progress
Often people do not even notice how their measured life turns into a dull routine. To save a family, relationships need to be constantly developed, to look for new facets in them. This may require changing not only habits, but also the roles of partners.
For example, if the husband has always been a breadwinner, and the wife has always been a keeper of the hearth or a family animator, you can radically change your role.
Be prepared for the fact that not all experiments will be successful. Be sure to praise your husband (or wife) for their courage and support in a new endeavor. Encourage the pursuit of personal growth in your "other half" and, if possible, create the conditions for this.
When a man does something of a woman's duties, we must thank him for his help. And when he does the mens - you need to thank for the care. There doesn't seem to be a big difference between the two, right? Actually there is. Help is, among other things, helping with responsibilities that are not yours.
There is nothing wrong with that if a man, for example, washes, washes dishes or vacuums, right? But if he helps but doesn't care, the family boat just flips over. And the woman begins to work very hard, she begins to take responsibility, she begins to solve problems with plumbers, fix something herself, drive the car to the service, etc.
And in the end, both do something, but both are unhappy. Because the Vedas say: it is better to imperfectly fulfill one's duties than to perfect strangers. It is better for a man to go and not earn as much as other men than to do the dishes brilliantly.
Often, only after the breakup, people come to understand that compromise is an obligatory component of any alliance. So what The best way to gain is to yield. What will help you in understanding your partner?
- Jokes are very good remedy from the series How to Save a Marriage. Don't make life difficult, you don't need to take everything too seriously. Treat events positively, bring humor into your relationship - this will immediately reduce tension between you, and life will be more interesting.
- Set aside time that you will only be together. Dedicate it to a walk together or something interesting for both.
- If you want to know how to save a relationship, avoid arguments. To do this, in a conversation, bypass topics on which you have contradictions, as a rule, these are topics of politics, relatives, religion, former lovers, emancipation.
- Think back to the beginning of your relationship. Visit the places of your first meetings, think about what has changed since then, perhaps romance or respect has disappeared - this will be the answer to how to save the marriage from divorce.
- Understand and forgive your partner. No one is protected from mistakes, so learn to forgive, to give a person the opportunity to improve. Remember that both are usually to blame for the fight.
- Use touch. Tenderness, affection can manifest itself through various contacts. This will show your partner that you love and want to take care of them.
- Leave personal space for your partner. Sometimes let one another "free", even for one evening - every person needs personal space.
- The most frequent question in a family in which the relationship between spouses began to deteriorate is "can the relationship be saved?" daily life... Change your family traditions, give gifts for no reason, offer fresh ideas and surprise each other.
- Come up with your place in the city. The main thing is that it is unknown to others, and some other couple does not like it. It is good to spend time alone there, arrange your romantic evenings.
- Do not interrupt communication with each other. Maintain free communication, learn to hear and listen.
Intimacy and marriage
By underestimating this powerful tool for cementing family ties, you are making a big mistake. Returning to the arms of the "half" after a protracted conflict, men, allow yourself more tenderness and open demonstration of feelings. And women - liberated, playful, experimental sex.
Make marital intimacy more frank and inventive. Give up the usual sequence of actions and "worked out" poses. Flirt, tease, take the initiative, stir your imagination, give free rein to your wildest fantasies! Let your old passion return to your intimate relationships, seasoned with a peppercorn of jealousy: where did you learn this?
A sincere desire to please each other
If you analyze what happened between you when "everything was bad", you can recall a burning desire to hurt your partner: hurt your pride, lower your self-esteem, do it out of spite. Now this negativity needs to be “shown” by changing the minus to plus: more affectionate glances, encouraging words, unexpected compliments.
If you previously avoided communication, now try to spend your free time together. For starters, you can buy tickets to some exotic tour or sign up for ballroom dancing (master classes in body art, bullet shooting, Asian cuisine - underline what you need). This will not only bring you closer, but also provide new topics of conversation.
You should not swear that you will never remember the past and reproach your spouse with past grievances, but still, try to avoid this.
There is no need to put off life until tomorrow, it is too fleeting. Accept your yesterday, contemplate tomorrow, but live in today. If you really want to get something, then you need to start by getting the most out of today's life circumstances... Live as fully as possible in your reality today.
There are those who live and there are those who are going to live. WHO ARE YOU?
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Sooner or later each married couple relationship problems begin. Not a single marriage is immune from these difficulties. The passion that was between the spouses at the beginning of the family journey subsides, it is replaced by gray everyday life. This leads to the fact that instead of words of love, mutual accusations and claims begin to sound more and more often, and after them thoughts of divorce begin to appear.
If this happens in your family, do not get a fever. Think carefully about everything and decide for yourself whether you can normally, which until recently you loved, and which was the meaning of your life. If your answer is negative, then you should find out about how to save a family.
The key to a strong family is communication. If you want your relationship to never lose its freshness, try to communicate with each other as much as possible. Both parties should always be able to express their own point of view, which may differ from that of the partner. In this case, the spouses must be able to listen to each other to the end. Never go into high tones, shout at each other or make scandals. , you will be able to establish what really is the cause of your quarrel and understand when you lost the ability to understand each other.
If your quarrel has gone too far, but you do not want a divorce, try to take a piece of paper and write on it in one column everything that does not suit you in your spouse, and in the second - all his advantages and strengths. Analyze the resulting list. After you have thoughtfully consider each point, you will see that most of the shortcomings you mentioned are trivial, and do not seem to you as critical as it happens in moments.
Persuade your partner to write a list similar to yours, and then exchange your notes. This should help you to look at yourself from the outside and see how you seem. to a loved one... If something does not suit you, do not rush to get angry. Approach criticism constructively and treat it as information for thought.
Never jump to conclusions and refrain from rash decisions. Allow yourself and your partner to calm down, assess the situation, and think about options for solving the problem.
A short breakup can help you with this. Having been left alone for a while, you can understand how much you need each other and whether the problems that interfere with your happy marriage are really so serious.
Answering the question about how to save a family, you can give the following tips:
- any divorce does not start suddenly. Each family goes to him step by step, and each quarrel brings him closer, so try to do everything so that they happen as rarely as possible;
- always listen to your loved one, and in case of conflicts, try to find solutions that suit both parties;
- your family must be the same couples;
- Compliment each other;
- your spouse is yours mirror image... Know how to see every detail in it, this will help you better deal with your personal strengths and weaknesses;
- in case of a quarrel, do not be afraid to take a step towards reconciliation on your part before your spouse;
- with any problem that has arisen in front of your family, you must deal with joint efforts, and not blaming everything on one of the spouses;
- no need to run away from emerging problems. Instead, stop and think about what you can do to solve it once and for all.
If you cannot solve the problem that has arisen in your family on your own, but the question of how to keep the family is relevant for you, you need to seek help from a specialist in the field of family. A psychologist will help you to take a sober look at your problem, to see it from the outside and resolve the situation in the best possible way, preserving your family.
