Answered by Viktor Belousov, 11/17/2010
Peace be with you, Pavel!
He does not give you a wife because you are falling into fornication.
If you don't first repent to God and change your attitude, then what's the point of giving you a spouse? She is also a human being and has the right to have the kind of husband she dreams of, and doesn’t just want to be some kind of “substitute” so that you don’t fornicate.
Are you the dream husband for religious, godly girls?
1 Alleluia.
2 Blessed is the man who fears the Lord and firmly loves His commandments.
3 His seed will be mighty in the earth; the generation of the upright will be blessed.
4 Abundance and wealth are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever.
5 In darkness the light rises upright; He is good and merciful and righteous.
6 A good man shows mercy and lends; he will give steadfastness to his words at the trial.
7 He will never be moved; the righteous will be in eternal memory.
8 He will not be afraid of evil reports; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
9 His heart is established: he will not fear when he looks at his enemies.
10 He spent, he gave to the poor; his righteousness endures forever; his horn will rise in glory.
11 The wicked will see [this] and be vexed, gnashing his teeth and fainting. The desire of the wicked will perish.
()
Pray and seek change!
Blessings,
Victor
Read more on the topic “Home and family, marriage”:
Not all girls are equally lucky and sometimes, after many attempts to find their soulmate, after unsuccessful meetings and dates, girls alone ask themselves the question: “Why doesn’t God give me a husband?”
The answer to this question most often lies in the woman herself. There can be many reasons. Basically, they consist in a woman’s emotional unreadiness to marry or in an imagined handsome man with impeccable qualities, who is not so easy to find.
Every girl, depending on whether she is a believer or not, can find her own answer to the question of why she is still single, or why God does not give her a husband.
Reasons of an ecclesiastical nature
Many representatives of the fair sex, losing hope and faith, begin to blame God for their failures. There is such a thing as the crown of celibacy. Even though this is a common superstition, contrary to the church’s attitude that one cannot believe in damage and the evil eye, many girls see this as the cause of all their troubles.
The priest's answer to the question why God does not give a husband is logical and simple. And if you think about it, this is really true. He can't give us anything. Including he cannot give a husband. God gives every person, whether man or woman, a choice.
However, due to a vicious life, unwillingness to repent and pray, we ourselves do not notice the possibility of choice. Our pride and excessive demands do not allow us to see what the Almighty presents to us on a silver platter. 
Of course, there are other options for answering this question. Some of them are magical, some are explained in our energy.
Is karma to blame?
If a girl herself has strength and is self-sufficient, her energy repels men, because they are looking for someone to protect.
If you are still wondering why God does not give you a husband, then first of all you should look inside yourself, study your problems and desires for this period of your life.
Most often, the answer lies within ourselves, and there is no need to blame anyone else. God gives a good husband to those who strive for this themselves, who are ready to love and build a family. We just have to learn to see the options offered to us and make our choice.
Many girls are confident that the Lord will bring her betrothed to her. Especially those who think that all is not lost. They are waiting for signs, signs and everything supernatural. In fact, everything is prosaic. God offers, but the choice is ours.
I am sure that one day the Lord gave Adam a wife and as a result he made the Lord extreme in the fall. This tendency to constantly shift responsibility and avoid it in every possible way, inherent in any person, is what stops God from participating in the matchmaking process.
He laid in you an internal image that you try on for every man who appears on the horizon. And the more he fits this image, the more attractive he is to you. You can say that if a person appears in your life, then God wants to tell you something. But the choice is always yours.
Never rush. Haste will lead to mistakes. Remember that there are no last chances. If you don't choose the one who is nearby today, then someone else will come. It won't be better or worse. He will be different. And again you will need to make a choice.
Don't put the responsibility on God
In marriage, the most important word is “choice.” We must constantly do it and do it ourselves. And you need to do this especially carefully. Because your fate will depend on who you choose to be your husband.
To what extent is God involved in these choices? Some people think it’s 50/50. But that’s not entirely true. In fact, the Lord is 100% involved in this. Also, 100% He does not take any part in this.
His part is that He brings suitors to you. But He does not oblige you to marry them. He offers you options from which you must choose the one that is most suitable for you. This can be regarded as advice or a recommendation.
If for some reason the person proposed by God is not suitable for you, then you have the right to refuse this option. God will never condemn you. He left the right to choose to each of us. Especially when it comes to choosing a life partner, life path or path to the future.
Don't think this is the last option. God, like a loving father, will always take care of you. He will constantly worry about getting his daughter married. And not just give it out, but choose the best match for you.
On the one hand, you need to completely trust God. On the other hand, you need to learn to make responsible choices. Never shift responsibility to anyone, even if it is the Lord.
If I were you, I would be most afraid of entrusting my life to an unworthy person. I am sure that the Lord will not send you this. This kind of people come on their own. How can one determine whether this person came from God or not? Everything is quite simple. There is an image in your heart that the Lord laid. This way He lets you know if this person is the one you need.
Don't wait for a special revelation from God, choose from what He has already given you.
Christianin.com
Why does the Lord hesitate to grant us family happiness?
Good afternoon, our dear visitors!
“It is not good for a man to be alone” (2, Gen. 18-24), “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor: for if one falls, the other will lift up his companion. But woe to one when he falls, and there is no other to lift him up. Also, if two people are lying down, then they are warm; How can one keep warm alone? (Eccl. 4:9-11).
So how can a person live in our time? Is it worth looking for your other half at all costs or is it better to live alone? And what should we do if we have a strong desire to start a family, but the Lord, for some reason unknown to us, does not give us the long-awaited family happiness?
There may be several answers to these questions. And one of them was like this: “Why, for what purpose, do we actually want to start a family?” If we long to find our other half in order to become happy ourselves, then, in this case, the Lord will not soon grant us the opportunity to create a family.
Why? Because the person who, first of all, seeks happiness in marriage for himself is not yet ready to start a family, since he will not be able to bear all the hardships of family life, and, therefore, he will be extremely disappointed in family life, as a consequence what can happen to betrayal and divorce.
When a person, man or woman, decides to start a family in order to become happy themselves, they are initially determined to take, not give. And family life means giving yourself completely to your other half; This is a constant desire to do everything in your power every day in order to make your other half happy!
When a person asks the Lord to grant him long-awaited family happiness, he must be determined that he will daily give his half his love and tenderness; that he will constantly take care of his husband or wife; to yield to them in everything; renounce one's self; fight your selfishness; work on your passions; try to improve - in a word - live the life of your half.
When a person realizes that marriage is everyday work, for the sake of the happiness of the person who has become our other half, then, perhaps, the Lord will touch him with His grace, and his eyes will open.
And he will see that, it turns out, next to him there is that man or that woman who was destined for him by God, but whom he does not notice, because they are not as beautiful as they would like; not so rich, not so influential; have certain vices and inclinations.
Perhaps our other half is next to us, but we do not want to notice it, because we do not want, we are not ready to serve it, for our common salvation with it. We want what is not saving and short-lived, and therefore the Lord does not give us that long-awaited family happiness for which we so ask Him, because we are not yet ready to accept it.
After all, what is family life? This is work, and not at all endless fun and joy. And if our goal is to become happy ourselves, then what guarantee do we have that the person with whom we want to start a family will always love us?
After all, in order to be loved, we ourselves must give our love, and love, as we know: “Love is long-suffering, merciful, love does not envy, love does not exalt itself, is not proud, does not act outrageously, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in untruth, but rejoices in the truth; covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” (Apostle Paul, 13).
If a person has a strong desire to start a family, then he should ask the Lord to grant him exactly that person who will please God, and with whom the Lord will bless a marriage, as the only and saving one for both of them.
And when we seek, first of all, the will of God, then the Lord Himself will arrange our lives and give us exactly that person with whom we can only be saved.
Read also: Is it possible to truly love and be loved?
semiyaivera.ru
How can I know God's intention for my life partner?
Christians have different views on how to choose a wife or husband according to the will of God. Many Christians are afraid that they may stray from God's will or make the wrong choice. Some believe that there is only one person whom God has chosen for every Christian and it is up to Him whether such a person can be found. And it is this “right half” that will be God’s will. Finding “the one” means finding God’s will and finding marital bliss for life. Many people believe that if a Christian marries someone else by chance or on a whim, then he or she will be going against the will of God. They may be happy, but not as happy as they could be if they obeyed the Lord. However, those who marry the wrong person are also not immune to divorce. Christians often feel that couples get divorced because they made a mistake in choosing a partner. Are these statements true? Are these principles taught in the Bible? The answer is no. They have no basis and the Bible does not teach such things anywhere.
“Is he or she the right person?” - incorrect formulation of the question
The right question the Bible teaches to ask is, “Is he/she the right person for marriage?” The Book of Proverbs says: “Whoever finds a good wife finds something good and receives grace from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). In other words, for a man to find a woman and get married is good. The opposite is also true. For a woman, finding a man and marrying him is also a blessing. This means that marriage is a privilege and a blessing for people.
However, it is not a matter of simply marrying any man or woman, but the right type of man or woman. The Book of Proverbs says: “A wise woman is from the Lord” (Prov. 19:14). In other words, if you want a wife from God (according to God's will), find a reasonable woman (reasonable and able to control herself). This also applies to finding a husband. This is just one of those qualities of a husband or wife that will be a blessing from God. This verse puts into focus what God wants to reveal through Scripture.
The Bible focuses our attention on finding the right type of husband or wife. This is exactly God's will for you. In this way you will receive blessings from God. Scripture does not teach that believers need to find a specific person chosen by God for them, but the Bible does say that we should focus on choosing the right type of person and not be deceived by the wrong type of person.
Although Abraham and Isaac sought wives for their sons under God's direction, their experience is not the norm. We are not them. The normal biblical approach in these extra-ethical areas is to choose whoever you want to marry, as long as you choose the right person in terms of God's priorities. You must also commit yourself to following God’s standards for marriage.”
God's will is for Christians to marry Christians
First priority: he or she must be a Christian. In 2 Cor. 6:14-16 says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship has righteousness with iniquity? What does light have in common with darkness? Or what is the complicity of the faithful with the infidel?” This is clear guidance from the Apostle Paul that Christians should not associate (either by marriage or physical relationships) with non-Christians. Christians have been called righteous in Christ and placed in the light of truth. They are not allowed to enter into intimate relationships with those who have not been called righteous and are still in spiritual darkness.
This does not mean that Christians cannot be friends with non-Christians, but friendship is not a life obligation like marriage. God wants Christians to marry Christians. He wants His children to unite their lives with His children. As a Christian husband or wife, Christ is at the center of your life; This is not the case at all in the life of a non-Christian. Your faith and values are based on God's Word, but non-believers do not. You need continuous incentive to trust and obey God. Can an unbeliever give you all this? How will you encourage him or her day after day if he or she doesn't even believe in God?
This is an important commitment you must make as a Christian to see God's blessing in your life in this area. This is the line you need to draw when it comes to who you allow yourself to fall for or even date. Is it possible to have romantic feelings for someone who is not a Christian? Yes, it's possible. Attractiveness is part of our human nature. However, this is not an indicator of God's will. God's will is clearly stated above. The world proclaims that if you think it is acceptable, it is acceptable. But this is not true! If it is within God's will, then it is permissible. Marrying an unbeliever cannot be God's will by definition.
Dating non-believers is emotionally dangerous! If you are going to be wise in following this, you will also need to understand that dating non-believers is emotionally unsafe. You may think at first that you can keep yourself from marrying an unbeliever. I heard one Christian say, “I'm just dating a non-believer. I am not going to marry him/her.” A Christian who does this is playing with emotional fire.
What happens when you date an unbeliever? Your desire and romantic feelings grow and as a result, you want to marry him. So what are you going to do? Your feelings are strong, and you will cause yourself much more pain than if you had not entered into the relationship. What happens if an unbeliever wants to marry you? Now you have to hurt someone. You claim that you care about this unbeliever, but do you? You deceived an unbeliever by allowing him or her to develop a desire to marry you when you knew you could not commit yourself to that person. After this, what should an unbeliever think about Christ and Christians, after such a painful experience with you?
You say: “But there are no Christians around me who are eager to meet with me.” Maybe so, but it doesn't change God's plan for you. Trusting God in such circumstances is, in fact, Christianity. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5,6). God's desire is for Christians to marry Christians with godly character traits.
Finding a wife or husband begins with her/his faith in Christ. However, identifying as a Christian does not guarantee that he or she has the qualities needed for a successful marriage. Proverbs is very clear that a man must find a discreet woman. To the characterization of a prudent wife, about which we have already read. Etc. 31:10 adds another characteristic: “Who can find a virtuous wife? Its price is higher than pearls.” Etc. 12:4 says that “a virtuous wife is a crown to her husband; and shameful is like rot in his bones.” A Pr. 19:13: “A grumpy wife is a sewer.” Prudent and God-fearing women should find men with the same characteristics.
Scripture also gives other specific characteristics of people to be wary of. This also applies to avoiding marriage with such individuals. There are three types of people whom Scripture calls to avoid: the fool, the slacker, and the one who has no control over his tongue. A fool is someone who acts stupidly. Proverbs 14:7 says, “Get away from a foolish man whose lips you do not recognize.”
The characteristics of a foolish person are described in several places in the Book of Proverbs. In Ave. 12:15 says that “the way of a fool is right in his own eyes; but he who listens to advice is wise.” In Ave. 14:16 states that such a person is “irritable and presumptuous.” In the fragment Pr. 18:2 states that he “loves... to show off his wits,” and Prov. 20:3 states that “every fool is spirited.” In Ave. 28:26 sums up the main problem of his life when it says that a fool does not walk in wisdom. In Ave. 29:11 also says that he “pours out all his anger” and cannot boast of self-control. We should avoid marrying people who have these characteristics.
Proverbs also warns to beware of lazy people (idlers). In Ave. 19:15 says that a slacker sleeps all the time and is therefore always hungry. Etc. 26:15 show that he is too lazy to make an attempt to feed himself. In Ave. 24:30–34 says that laziness causes poverty. Women especially should avoid lazy men who will not be able to fulfill their financial obligations. It's sad to see a woman married to a man who always talks about making "tons of money." At the same time, he does not even want to find a stable job. Beware of allowing yourself to fall in love with a man who can't hold down a job. There is a strong possibility that he will not change immediately after he gets married.
We should avoid those who lie (Prov. 6:17). Lying destroys any basis of trust in a relationship. You will never know whether he/she is telling the truth or not. Etc. 28:23 warns against those who “flatter with tongue.” This type of person praises you when he doesn't really mean it. He just wants to get something from you. Etc. 15:1 talks about another person to be wary of—a person who uses harsh words. Harsh words destroy the hearts and minds of others and can turn long-term relationships into long-term pain.
Another dangerous character trait is a lack of self-control. “Like a ruined city without walls, so is a man who does not control his spirit” (Proverbs 25:28). A city without walls is a city that is not protected from troubles. A person who does not know how to control himself has no defense against evil. Ruins and destruction will reign in his life because he cannot keep his emotions and desires under control. He cannot or simply does not restrain his behavior. Self-control is an important quality for success in life and relationships. God described his boundaries in behavior; self-control keeps actions within given boundaries.
These are just some of the instructions God gives each of us in the process of finding a wife or husband. No one is perfect, but the lives of those mentioned above are characterized by these qualities, so they are recognizable by them. This means that those characteristics are regularly confirmed in their lives. These are the fatal mistakes that destroy relationships rather than build them.
If you find a wife or husband whose qualities are destructive to the relationship, trying to build a long-term relationship together will be like building a house on quicksand. If you find a husband or wife whose personal qualities can build and sustain a long-term relationship in the Lord, then you will follow God's will for a mate. If you both desire to get married and live together as husband and wife, then you can be sure that God also desires this, if He does not explicitly try to prevent it. The Lord wants to bless you as you seek a God-fearing companion. If you cannot find it, trust that God is working all things for your good (Rom. 8:28).
Choose the one you want to join your life with within biblical moral boundaries
Thus, God gives you a free choice whether to marry or not to marry. If you choose to enter, you can tie the knot with whoever you want, as long as he or she is the right type of personality and he or she desires this marriage with you. This gives you the joy of leading to the altar the person with whom you enter into a long-term covenant, with whom you want to live for the rest of your life! Remember this, God created marriage as a free choice for you. When you walk down the aisle, you need to want to marry that person with all your heart. You don't have to do this because it will be good for you or it's the right thing to do, you should want to be with this person for the rest of your life!
You need to trust that God will bless you as you follow His leading. This blessing will come in two main forms. He will either bless your union (this may mean waiting) or He will separate you according to His sovereign will. The Bible says that if we delight in God, He will give us what our hearts desire (Ps. 37:4; 20:4; 21:2). In other words, if it is His will (1 John 5:14,15).
I think what these verses collectively mean is that God, as our Father, wants us to be happy. And if you find someone who is the opposite sex you are looking for, then God will bless your union (unless He has some special reason not to do so). And although this reason may not always be obvious to us, it will always be for our good (Rom. 8:28).
What should I do if I can't find someone who would like to start a family with me? Does this mean I have the gift of celibacy?
The desire to get married is normal and natural. Remember what is written in Prov. 18:22: “Whoever finds a good wife has found something good and received grace from the Lord.” If you have a desire to get married, that's good. If you have no desire to get married and want to focus all your energy on the kingdom of God, that is also good. This is the gift of celibacy.
This is written about in Matt. 19:12: “There are eunuchs [a figurative expression for those who have chosen not to marry. - Author] who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven." This was the case with Paul. He says in 1 Cor. 7:7, encouraging Christians to remain single: "For I desire that all people should be as I am; but each one has his own gift from God, one this way, another another. But to the unmarried and to the widows I say: it is good for them to remain as I [single]. - Author. ] But if they cannot abstain [from sexual desires. - Author], let them marry; for it is better to marry than to be inflamed [by passion. - Author]." This means that if you want to get married, you don't have the gift of celibacy.If you want to get married, that's good for you.
But what if I want to find a partner, but I can’t?
There are many possible reasons, so countless that there is no point in starting to discuss here. I suggest you talk to a pastor or mature Christian who knows you and can help you in your specific situation. At the end of the day, God is sovereign and you need to trust Him with the circumstances you find yourself in right now. It is very important to remember what is written in Proverbs (Proverbs 3:5,6). You don't need to restrain your desire to get married, you don't need to pretend that you don't have such a desire. All this is natural, you need to pray about it and leave everything else in God's hands.
Original © Titus Institute of California, translation © Help for Hear†.
helpforheart.org
Why doesn’t the Lord God give me a wife, knowing that without it I will fall into fornication?
Answered by: Viktor Belousov
Peace be with you, Pavel!
He does not give you a wife because you are falling into fornication.
If you don't first repent to God and change your attitude, then what's the point of giving you a spouse? She is also a human being and has the right to have the kind of husband she dreams of, and doesn’t just want to be some kind of “substitute” so that you don’t fornicate.
Are you the dream husband for religious, godly girls?
1 Alleluia.2 Blessed is the man who fears the Lord and loves His commandments deeply.3 His seed will be mighty in the earth; the generation of the upright shall be blessed.4 Abundance and riches will be in his house, and his righteousness shall endure forever.5 In darkness the light shall rise for the upright; he is good and merciful and righteous.6 A good man shows mercy and lends; he will give steadfastness to his words in judgment.7 He will never be shaken; in eternal memory the righteous will be.8 He will not be afraid of evil report: his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.9 His heart is established: he will not fear when he looks at his enemies.10 He has given away, he has given to the poor; his righteousness endures forever; his horn shall be exalted in glory.11 The wicked shall see [this] and be vexed, gnashing his teeth, and faint. The desire of the wicked will perish.
Pray and seek change!
Blessings, Victor
“Pravmir” publishes another attempt to answer – Elena from St. Petersburg. Let us remember that the woman asked to help her find a way to come to terms with the cross of loneliness.
Dear Elena!
I read it on the Pravmir website, and it deeply touched me and resonated in my heart with a keen desire to help you and find words of consolation for you and, perhaps, the explanation of your fate that you are so looking for. A consolation that is not soporific, but one that gives an impulse of comprehension and overcoming, an impulse not of conservation, but of movement. And although you are waiting for an answer, first of all, from the priest, I decided not to restrain my impulse and write to you.
Avoiding Standard Answers
In your letter, you say that you cannot understand the relationship between your chaste behavior and the lack of love and family in your life. You look with pain at your friends and colleagues who have all this, and ask God: “Why?” After all, there seems to be nothing to punish you for.
You say that you cannot understand God’s plan for yourself, you notice that over the years that you have been living, you could have already become a mother ten times, as is happening with your friends. “Who needs my misfortune?” – you ask. And you rightly note that none of the “standard” Orthodox answers from the series “according to sins”, “such is your cross”, etc. is not suitable to explain your condition. Indeed, standardity is not the key with which one can explain the inexplicable.
Give up pity
Let's be pragmatists and start by stopping allowing ourselves the luxury of subjunctive moods in the style of “but in the years that I’ve been living, I could have become a mother more than once.”
Such constructions, in my opinion, are very harmful and destructive, because, modeling our life in our imagination, the only thing they do is put pressure on pity - our pity for ourselves. They cherish it, warm it up, squeeze out tears in a completely artificial and meaningless way.
The construction “I could become a mother” makes sense only in one case - when a woman really could become a mother, but did not become one of her own free will, that is, she had an abortion. And then it is permissible not to feel sorry for oneself, but to mourn one’s sin before God and the murdered child, that is, to bring repentance.
If you again become fixated on yourself and your bitter fate, then such a retrospective will be useless. One way or another, this is not your case - you, fortunately, did not have an abortion. Therefore, for you, such appeals to non-existent happiness are pure masochism and self-pity, which you need to immediately abandon, forbidding this thought from entering your heart. You need to give up the bitter pleasure that this thought brings.
It’s a paradox, but giving up the enjoyment of pain is not much easier than giving up the enjoyment of pleasure and happiness. This may be the reason why we constantly return to this thought. We feel sorry for ourselves because we love ourselves too much, we think too much about ourselves, we pay too much attention to ourselves, we spin too lovingly around our own axis and our “unhappy” self. We, our ego, which consists, among other things, of our desires , is our favorite stumbling block that we stumble over all the time.
The construction “I could already become a mother” (a millionaire, a great actress, etc.) is also quite blatant. Listen, those girls or boys who were born disabled and are bedridden or wheelchair-bound could also become good mothers and fathers, but bad luck - the illness got in the way.
And those who died in childhood or adolescence from illness or accident could also. And my fiancé, with whom our relationship did not work out, also, perhaps, could have already been a father by now, but it so happened that he was killed and he did not become a father. People suffering from infertility, who have lost their reproductive health due to certain operations, could also...
Do you understand the absurdity of such constructions?
We ourselves don’t know how long we will live, and what will happen tomorrow. We seem to be living a church life, but we only remember the extent to which our life is not a church life, but in general is fragmentary, only in days of difficult trials, when there is a danger of actually losing it. On other days, we prefer to grieve about unfulfilled happiness.
Don't confuse heaven with reality
As an unnaturalness of your lonely position, you cite the words of the Lord, who said to Adam and Eve: be fruitful and multiply, and populate the earth. But let's not forget that these words were spoken to our forefathers in paradise, and this happened before the Fall.
This is how it should be, this is God’s plan for man and the relationship between man and woman. But since then the world has changed “a little”, everything has gone “a little” wrong. And now it is very naive to expect that everything will be just fine for everyone.
We easily put up with what is not great in others, but for some reason we think that this should not concern us.
I know couples where husband and wife, groom and bride are very suitable for each other. Looking at them, I am very happy, because all the stings of pity and envy, as the holy fathers teach us, can be cut at the root with confession and a courageous prohibition, and then they simply stop bothering.
The main thing is not to try to appropriate this joy for yourself. There is no need to compare yourself with anyone and try on someone else’s fate. There are no identical people and no identical destinies. With God we are completely alone, and He has His own plan for each of us.
Trust “blindly”
You say: how can we understand this plan? This is a very interesting question. It often seems to us that if we suddenly found out why God arranged everything this way and not otherwise, why He “punishes” us and what He is leading us to, what He wants from us and by what methods He intends to achieve this, then we would all at once understood and calmed down.
It would be approximately clear to us in which direction to move, what to want from life and what not to want, what to spend effort on and what is not worth trying. This is the plan, this is the path, there are no more questions...
Over time, I realized that this is also another very funny design. It won't happen that way. No one will offer us such information about us on a silver platter, except perhaps a fortune teller. And this information is not the point.
The point is to surrender to the will of God, this will, without knowing what is called “blindly.” To trust Him, as a child trusts his parents, without unnecessary reasoning, without asking what will happen to me and where You, Lord, are leading me, and will it really be good there, will I really be happy there, and won’t it really hurt? And most importantly - without the cowardly “why?”
This question is one of the most incorrect. It’s pointless to weigh your sins on the scales of divine justice and try to understand whether I really deserve this “grief” of mine or whether they are treating me “out of line”?
You say that, thank God, you have no special sins. But the fact is that the absence of sins is not a reason for happiness, but their presence is not a reason for its absence. Not everything is so linear. The Lord is not a constitutional court. And not the Hague Tribunal. This is a living Supreme Personality, Who knows better than we do what to do with us and our lives in order to lead us to Himself.
No matter how sinless we may be in terms of external actions, this in itself is still not enough to regenerate us into something completely new, into those new people who are able to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
“You are gods,” the Lord said about us, meaning our divine potency. What kind of gods are we in our current state? And will we become them if we are exceptionally calm and happy in our earthly life?
When the Archangel Gabriel informed the Mother of God that she would soon become the mother of the Savior of the human race and this would happen in a way that violated earthly nature, she, I think, did not have a very good idea of what was happening to her and why, and how much it would cost her . She did not evaluate or reason. She simply agreed, regardless of the consequences. “Behold the handmaid of the Lord, let it be done to me according to your word.”
Was it easy for Her to give this consent? Did She have the feeling that She was simply lying down on the water and floating with the flow of the Divine will, or was the feeling more like when you enter icy water, when it seems that you are about to die? We don't know.
In any case, there was uncertainty ahead, besides happiness, which also promised “weapons” that would pass through Her soul, but consent was still given. In the same way, we must follow the example of the Mother of God and unconditionally agree to everything. We should not be afraid of possible pain, we should not run from it.
All this does not mean at all that there is no happiness - that ordinary earthly happiness that we so dream about. But only by giving up the constant pursuit of him can you become truly happy.
“Behold, the Bridegroom is coming...”
The Lord gives us a husband not only so that we can be happy with him, but first of all so that through him we understand and learn something important. And He gives a child, too, not in order to gratify our pride and sense of female usefulness, but so that through this child we can feel another facet of Divine love.
In the same way, the absence of a husband and child can be a means to feel this love. Only this will not happen indirectly, but, as they say, directly.
I may be wrong, but it seems to me that when a woman has a husband, her relationship with God is different. A significant part of the energy of love is spent on the husband; the husband, if he is beloved, occupies a significant part in a woman’s heart, it seems to completely belong to him. A woman who does not have a husband has a chance to give herself to God, as if to her Bridegroom, or at least simply move more strongly towards Him.
You say that you are not of a monastic type - in this case it is completely unimportant. If the Lord does not give you anyone, it means that He Himself at this particular moment in time is waiting to meet you and does not want to share you with anyone. And it would be very reckless not to take advantage of this moment.
After all, it very often happens to us that we live a church life for years, do not commit any particularly serious sins, and in this state of ours we imperceptibly preserve ourselves. And then suddenly it turns out that God has long been calling us to completely different heights, and we are hopelessly behind...
Are you asking how to deal with female loneliness? How to stop wanting to get married? But when we find the strength in ourselves (and this, among other things, is a matter of willpower) and make this spiritual qualitative leap, we suddenly realize that there is no “female loneliness” at all. Just as there is no male loneliness. That there is no loneliness at all. This is a myth invented by people who do not know what they are capable of.
No sudden movements needed
You can still insist that you were created for simple female happiness, and such a union with God scares you. But the fact is that all the same, each of us is called to such a union to one degree or another, regardless of gender and marital status. All the same, we must love God first, and then our husband and children.
Because the time will still come when both our husband and children will be taken away from us, and we will be left alone with the One who created us and who created our fiancés, husbands and children. And our heart should not be attached to them more than to Him. It should not be greatly, to the point of despondency, saddened by the fact that the Lord does not give us something less than He Himself, because in return for this less He is always ready to give us Himself. And there can hardly be anything greater than this gift.
So whether you want it or not, you will have to study.
You suffer because you share the opinion that the Lord has determined only two paths for us - either family life or monastic life. And you don’t belong to either one. Meanwhile, I am sure that such an artificial division of people into two main categories greatly simplifies reality.
Life shows that the Lord leads each of us to Himself in our own special way. And on this path there are no stencil trajectories, just as there are no age restrictions. You can meet your future husband at any age and take monastic vows at any age. But you can live in some third way, if it is the way that pleases God.
And I don’t see any need to make any sudden, thoughtless movements along this path.
It would be a complete failure to enter a monastery only because of a failed personal life, without feeling a special calling to it. In the same way, it would be madness to hysterically push yourself into marriage only on the basis of a “non-monastic character.” We ourselves don’t know what kind of warehouse we are. Lord knows.
You say, trying to comprehend your plight, that even Nick Vujicic has a wife and children, although he himself has no arms and no legs! This is a truly amazing fact, testifying to the endless mercy of God to all of us and to each individual. But I read Nick, and you know what I understood? The fact that he could do without his wife and son in the same way as he could do without arms and legs. And just like that, be happy.
So we need to learn to be happy, no matter what. Not in order to turn this into some kind of deal, not with the thought that when we learn this, God will definitely send us someone, but solely for His own sake.
You write that you do not lose hope and do not stop praying that the Lord will grant you a groom. But maybe we should stop praying about it? Maybe you should forget about your dream, at least for a while? Perhaps one of the ways to get married is to stop desperately wanting it. And it may very well happen that this will happen when you forget about it. As Nick Vujicic says, let God act in your life. Let This will come to you on its own.
Freedom... from mom?
Perhaps someone will accuse me of calling for passive idleness, but it seems to me that this is a much more productive path than frantic attempts to change one’s life through some external actions. For example, some psychoanalysts advise lonely girls who want to find a companion to start by leaving their mother.
I understand what psychoanalysts rely on when they say that we can be dominated by our mother’s script and our mother’s parental egoism; Eric Berne told us about this in detail. But you know, I don’t believe that your mother, Elena, is completely selfish. Most likely, she just loves you and wishes you well. And she, of course, would be happy if you had a fiance.
I don’t believe that by the very fact of being near you, she is “winning off suitors” from you. I also don’t believe that you are a dependent person, not independent. Your description of your own life completely refutes this. I don’t think that the seductiveness of “female vibes” depends on whether the lady lives alone or not. Men can be attracted completely regardless of this.
I think that living separately from your mother makes sense if you are going to, as they say, “bring home suitors” in the hope that all this will later develop into marriage or an unexpected pregnancy. But you are not going to do this.
Our independence does not depend on our parents being under the same roof with us. Especially if the parents are already old and need care and attention. You can become, excuse me for the expression, a monad, as the respected Olga Gumanova advises, without being separated from your parents. And on the contrary - living separately and even getting married, you can not become one.
I know girls who have lived separately from their mothers for a long time and are terribly dependent on them, on their attitudes and on their childhood grievances, which they cannot overcome and forgive. Their mothers still control them and have enormous influence on them, from which they constantly and unsuccessfully try to free themselves. Instead of relaxing and allowing your mother to control you. Why not, if it makes her feel safer?
It seems to me that you should not break ties with mothers with all the strength of your soul. You just need to feel sorry for moms. Freedom is not about resisting, freedom is about allowing and giving in, accepting and giving in. This is a truly adult position, and resistance and rebellion are the position of a teenager, who is also not confident in himself. "Freedom for parrots!" – we’ve already been through this, let’s not step on this rake.
Our mothers and I are still very connected. We are flesh of their flesh. You can leave, leave, run away to another planet and still remain your mother’s daughter. And there is no terrible inevitability in this, this is how God intended it, and that means there must be some benefit in this.
As Clive Staples Lewis says, psychoanalysis must know its place. It can be used as a kind of crutch, but this crutch should not be presented as the only way to move. Trying to measure God's providence with the help of psychoanalysis is the same as trying to cognize the Divine with the help of the instruments of a ciliate slipper.
It is naive to think that all this time God did not give Elena a groom for the sole reason that she lives with her mother. And that everything will change completely as soon as she leaves her mother.
You can try living separately from your mother, especially if circumstances allow it. You can make many different efforts - change your wardrobe, buy cosmetics, start actively smiling at men if there were any problems with this.
But you need to understand that all this may or may not work. You can spend a lot of money on renting an apartment and live without denying yourself the essentials. And yet the groom cannot be found. There are no guarantees...
In a word, you can follow the path of changing your life circumstances, or you can, without changing your circumstances, try to change yourself. It's a matter of taste, but the last path seems more productive to me.
This could be the way out
And I want to tell you one more thing, dear Elena. You mentioned that you would like to adopt a child, but you cannot do this, because your mother is against this idea, and you cannot go against her, because the apartment in which you live belongs to her.
I think it’s wrong to ignore mom, no matter whose apartment it is. An adopted child should not cause discord in the family, he should unite it. But the Lord can, over time, so position your mother’s heart that she will not only stop resisting your desire to adopt a child, but will begin to wait for this child. But for this, you definitely have to decide everything for yourself and ask God to help you with this.
Adopting and raising an adopted child seems to me to be much more important and exciting than giving birth to my own. Because your child does not exist yet, but these children already exist, and they do not have a mother. So why don't you help each other? This is a completely godly thing.
The desire to give birth to your child is connected with the maternal instinct on the one hand, and with the fear of death, with the desire to consolidate and continue your life in someone, on the other. The desire to adopt a child is related to the need to love and share love, regardless of the biological component. And this is much more valuable before God.
But whether we have our own children or strangers, or don’t have any, whether the Lord gives us a husband or insists on the notorious loneliness, our main task is to learn to love Him with all our hearts, all our minds and thoughts. Moreover, there is no limit to this learning, and there is no degree of intimacy that could not develop into even greater intimacy if we want it.
Well, what about the grooms? And let the grooms just kiss each other. Since they want it so badly...
Many girls, after multiple meetings and partings, ask themselves in despair: “Why doesn’t God give me a husband? What am I doing wrong? I go to church every Sunday, keep fasts, and pray.” Actually, why is God obliged to give a husband? Women are emotional beings. They think that a sacred marriage is created in heaven, so they devote their entire lives to waiting for an imaginary prince, not noticing the ordinary earthly men next to them who could become good partners.
Church view on celibacy
Young girls, beautiful and successful, but unable to improve their personal lives, begin to blame their failures on God or the so-called crown of celibacy. Supposedly imposed by an evil witch, the crown of celibacy dooms the beautiful maiden to loneliness. But even experienced psychics claim that if such a phenomenon exists, it is a very rare case. Rather, the girl herself creates a negative program, attracting a certain type of man who is unable to make her happy.
What do priests say about the crown of celibacy? They think he doesn't exist. After all, neither Jesus nor the apostles prayed for the removal of the “crowns” because they did not know about them. Modern Christian denominations consider this a prejudice. Many married people suffer from a drunken spouse, while others are childless or have a sick child, and this does not mean that they are cursed. The clergy believe that it is necessary to pray to God and communicate with him, because only then is the Lord able to restore people’s lives.
Karmic reasons
Fatal bad luck with men makes many girls think about why God does not give them happiness in their personal lives. It is believed that loneliness is influenced by karma, so in this incarnation we work off the karmic debts of the previous incarnation. For example, in a past life, someone rudely rejected attempts at a normal relationship, and someone raised the bar of requirements for a future husband high, thereby stopping all efforts to get married successfully.
In this incarnation, fate gives you a chance to correct the mistakes of the past by changing your behavior, and if a woman continues to behave this way, she will be lonely. Failures in personal life are sent by God so that a person dives deeper into self-knowledge and analyzes his life. And also to try to change himself, directing his evolution on the path to Infinity in the right direction.
Some esotericists believe that only a woman who scans the karma of her family can answer the question of why God does not give a husband for a long time. It is believed that a person’s success is affected by ancestral karma, and if it is unfavorable, then the entire family has to pay for it, overcoming misfortunes and loneliness. But many experts do not agree with this opinion, because from the same family can come successful and unsuccessful, potential murderers, lawbreakers and priests, happy in family life and pathological loners. Most likely, loneliness is:
- internal subconscious need of a person;
- internal psychological conflicts;
- negative attitudes of parents or society.
Psychological reasons
A girl often does not have a husband, not because God does not give him one, but because of her own psychological attitudes towards loneliness. Let's look at these internal settings:
- There is no need for a husband. This is a certain form of self-sufficiency when a person feels great even without the so-called other half. This is either a conscious or subconscious attitude, when a woman is essentially an introvert, and it is difficult for her to share her comfortable inner world with another person.
- Finding the ideal husband. In this situation, there is no point in being offended by God, because the girl sees only shortcomings in every man who comes her way. Often this is the attitude of overly loving parents, who claimed that “he is not a match for you” or “he is not worthy of you.” So the woman waits for her prince until retirement, every year making more and more demands on the opposite sex.
- I need a husband-sponsor. A certain category of girls considers only rich men as their future husbands, but, as a rule, they themselves do not reach the level of successful people either in terms of level or education. So such a beauty only dates the rich once, and her status as a wife does not suit them. There are two ways out: either find a husband from your circle, or become successful yourself so that your partner is on the same level.
- Bad experience. Loneliness in marriage is also present, so it is not necessary that if God gives a husband, then the marriage will be successful. Often, after one or two divorces, women simply become disillusioned with relationships, setting themselves up to spend the rest of their lives in quiet solitude.
- I’m not ready to give my husband love. Not every woman is ready to give love to a man, despite God and his commandments, and the stronger half avoids it, subconsciously feeling coldness. And God has nothing to do with it. You need to learn to love, give warmth, only then a miracle will happen: the chosen one will feel it and appear on the horizon.
Energy reasons
In fact, loneliness is not a problem or suffering, but a need, a person’s choice, and this is normal. It is not normal when feelings of loneliness lead to stress or illness. But why does the absence of a husband make girls suffer? Let's see, here are the main reasons:
- Low energy tone, when there is no strength to create a family, for active communication, but you want to hide in a small hole so that no one gets hurt, and God must bring your husband into this hole.
- A person is constantly offended, jealous, demanding, which pushes away people of the opposite sex. Such behavior destroys emotional ties for a long time, and in addition, God does not support such women.
- A narcissistic woman who shows with all her behavior that she doesn’t need anyone. She has many empty novels and affairs with men, whom she changes like gloves and leaves without regret. She thinks that God will give her the next man better than the previous one, but all to no avail, hence the stress and psychological illnesses.
Magical reasons
If God does not give a woman a husband for a long time, she begins to think about damage or the evil eye. But really, it’s so easy to remove the problem from yourself and blame it on others. But do spells for failure in your personal life really exist? Damage is when a person’s energy protection is broken through, and a certain negative message is inserted into the hole. If a woman is physically and psychologically healthy, then she has high energy, so it is very difficult to break her with the evil eye on the street or an envious woman at work.
But if this happens, you need to find a psychic who “sees” the subtle bodies, who, after diagnosis, will determine whether there are holes in the energy body or not. If damage or the evil eye is at the level of the chakra responsible for sexuality, then there was a “black” message of loneliness, which can be removed either by spells or independently, strengthening one’s energy. And what do experts think about this - psychics and parapsychologists - erase in the video:
